💖diesel sweeties by @rstevens 🤖

Yes, I can count:

I started a second volume of Diesel Sweeties after doing 4,000 of them because I wanted to rebuild everything for Modern Internet Times.

You can still read every single DS 1.0 comic at their original URLs in the archives, starting here and ending here.

Who and What:

Diesel Sweeties is a pixel art webcomic by Richard Stevens 3. Sometimes the people kiss the robots. I used to be in newspapers. Let's not talk about that.

Other Stuff I make:

📱️ The Pixel Project @iMore

☎️ Coffee & Cider w/ @dcorsetto

Webcomics & Blogs I Like:

bobbins.horse ♥ ROBERT COP
Bad Machinery ♥ Exploding Dog
Creatures ♥ Octopus Pie
SFrmA Multiverse ♥ Dr. Cat, M.D.

Dinosaur Comics ♥ S*P
QC ♥ OverCompensating
Oh Joy Sex Toy! ♥ Family Man
Girls With Slingshots

Fleen ♥ Laughing Squid
BoingBoing ♥ Wil Wheaton

Find me elseweb:

Diesel Sweeties @ Topatoco!

Twitter ♥ Tumblr ♥ Google+
Wikipedia ♥ Facebook ♥ email

You may know me from:

🐷 ️ Bacon is a Vegetable
🆒 ️ I'm a Rocker. I Rock Out.
🎵️ Music Venn diagram t-shirts

© 2000-2069 @rstevens

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.5 License, but don't be a dick about it, ok?

I am trying very hard not to track you or require anything other than a modern browser and a little data. If you see anything weird, email me.

NEEDS TEXT

Post-Meta-Eighth-Wall-Callbacks

Tonight's comic is original, but don't hold that against it.

***********

Just a quick store note: I'll be out of town for a couple days this week- shipping until noon Monday, then back first thing Friday! I need to go turn old somewhere safe. CONVENIENT STORE LINK

(Comics should post as usual, because I am an adult.)

NEEDS TEXT

Disgracefully Aging

Tonight's comic is the worst birthday comic ever.

***********

Just a quick store note: I'll be out of town for a couple days this week- shipping until noon Monday, then back first thing Friday! I need to go turn old somewhere safe. CONVENIENT STORE LINK

(Comics should post as usual, because I am an adult.)

NEEDS TEXT

The Cool Count

Tonight's comic likes your new bathrobe.

***********

Just a quick store note: I'll be out of town for a couple days this week- shipping until noon Monday, then back first thing Friday! I need to go turn old somewhere safe. CONVENIENT STORE LINK

(Comics should post as usual, because I am an adult.)

NEEDS TEXT

Everybody Else's Habits

Here's the thing: Everybody ELSE'S habits are annoying. Mine are Life Hacks

***********

Just a quick store note: I'll be out of town for a couple days this week- shipping until noon Monday, then back first thing Friday! I need to go turn old somewhere safe. CONVENIENT STORE LINK

(Comics should post as usual, because I am an adult.)

charles canadian, nintendo NES : ooh! a retro nintendo! this thing was my childhood. i must have it! maybe if i buy one, it'll be like all the horrors of adulthood never happened! So he did. But it didn’t. Happy gaming!

Retro Just Means Having Nothing Left to Buy

Video games!A fun diversion from reality! Ha! Ha!

Just a quick store note: I'll be out of town for a couple days this week- shipping until noon Monday, then back first thing Friday! I need to go turn old somewhere safe. CONVENIENT STORE LINK

(Comics should post as usual, because I am an adult.)

pale suzie, cardboard box, roger the cat : who's a cute little kitty in a box? you're a cute little kitty in a box! it's so adorable that cats can't resist boxes. there's nothing cute about the fact that free will does not exist!!! MAOW

Cuteness Out of Context

Tonight's comic questions the concept of free will.

cardboard box, roger the cat : finally, we meet again. maow not you! not again! i am a box. you are a cat. i'm stronger now! your hold over me is broken! you cannot escape your destiny. no! free... will... exists... I must... god dammit. mrrawwwlll

My Old Nemesis

Cats, boxes and destiny.

csstine, library anne : holding book do you really think books can save the world? books contain entire worlds- -isn't that enough? how on earth are you so optimistic? earth is but one world, my wizard.

Off the Books

Do you really think books can save the world?

csstine, library anne : holding book i read FIFTY books last year. i'm shooting for FIVE HUNDRED this year. what can you possibly hope to get out of reading THAT many books? a brief distraction from feelings of impending doom!

Book Challenge! Book Challenge!

How many books do you plan to read this year?

charles canadian, pale suzie : hey there, buckaroo! make any big new year's resolutions this year? why does everyone assume i want to hate myself and feel like a failure? it's not about feeling bad about yourself... it's about self-improvement. aren't those the same thing?

Turtles in Time

Tonight's comic wants to know if you made any resolutions this year.

clango, lil sis : aside from the fact that years are non-sentient- -arbitrary units of time devised by people- -that only possess meaning when humans project it upon them- what has 2016 taught you? sleep with one eye open

Calendar vs. Predator

Tonight's comic wants to know what you learned from 2016.

roger the cat, red robot, smile : mew! thank you for being nice to me. don't thank me! it's not like i had a choice! if i wasn't nice to you, you'd tell everyone i was nice to you! robots can use logic to ruin anything. i have a reputation to maintain!

It's All About That Logic

Tonight's comic wants to thank you for being a friend.

roger the cat, red robot, smile : mew! i've had a bad day! be nice to me! this unit cares not what kind of

The Golden Mewl

Tonight's comic makes a case for friendship.

clango, john stamos kitten, lil sis : hey kitty! got any... mew year's plans? sigh apparently she does, but i'm not invited.

Day Planner

How am I like a cat? I do not recognize your Earth "New Year".

maura, laptop : the best part of working for myself is no one can force me to take holidays. but the best part of working alone is going to the office for peace and solitude. don't judge me. you'd do the same if you liked your work.

Keep Your Own Schedule

Holidays: The best part of working for yourself.

charles canadian, maura : taking a break over the holidays at all? uhhhhhhh if i told you i was taking a day off, would you believe me? i would if you hadn't just told me. then pretend i was speaking hypothetically!

Taking Time Travel Off

Are you taking a break over the holidays at all? My condolences if you are.

lil sis, red robot, covered in blood, skull : you put that santa juice back inside his meat thermos this instant! i would, but santa's not real. you take that back! i deserve the comfort of superstition! what if i volunteer to be your crimson gift-giver? are the gifts human skulls? you ruined the surprise!

It Wasn't a Surprise to Anyone

Humans are like juice boxes, only juice boxes don't complain.

darth vader, torpor, hug : rebel scum! release me! torpor release handsome tantrum only after he receives all of torpor's love! i am... handsome? and shiny like tight leather pants!

Sixteen Years of Comics Were Worth It To Write This Punchline

ho ho ho HO HO HO HO HO HO ho ho ho ho ho

darth vader, torpor, hug : rebel scum! release me! torpor release handsome tantrum only after he receives all of torpor's love! i am... handsome? and shiny like tight leather pants!

Hate Leads to Suffering

Only Torpor can do what the Star Wars prequels never managed to do: make people feel bad for Darth Vader.

darth vader, torpor, hug : hiss greetings and hello, sadness daddy! respect my pain and darkness! torpor love sadness daddy. wahh! hate is my strength. torpor give sadness daddy a hug! nooooooo

Force Choke Me a River

GET BOB DISNEYS ON THE HORN I've got your Darth Vader movie pitch right here

pale suzie, maura, vr, virtual reality goggles, coffee, holding coffee, drinking coffee : are you hiding in virtual reality again? nope! not hiding. this is my true reality now. it is your reality that i now consider the false one! we have coffee in my reality. yes, but you also have the rest of your reality.

Repeal the Real

It's only hiding in virtual reality if the "real" reality is not a nightmare clownshow.

JUST A QUICK PROGRAM NOTE

I should have more size MEDIUM fuck it sweatpants late next week. All other sizes are currently in stock in limited quantities!

robby the robot lost in space, library anne, csstine : danger danger danger danger danger danger danger danger he's been doing that for eleven months now. how is his battery not dead? fucking 2016.

Word of the Year

Until Merriam-Webster announces their word of the year, here's mine.

metal steve, clango : i missed hanging out with you. we should do this more often! but not every day. definitely not! i don't want you to realize i'm boring. you're not boring! you're consistent. you're saying i'm average, but you don't want to be... mean. there should be a median to keep you using statistics in that... mode.

Math Is Chaotic Neutral

Math puns: they're pure evil.

ACTIVATE CYBER SOCKS

metal steve, clango, hearts, stars, floppy disks : hello, cyber friend! hello, meat friend! i enjoy our special cyber relationship. and i take great pleasure in you, meat friend! i'm always so happy when i take time out to cyber with you. and for my tastes, nothing beats you, meat! and because they were pure of heart, they got to live in the nineties forever

Cyber Decade of Cyber Dreams

CYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBER
CYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBER
CYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBER
CYBER CYBER CYBERCYBERCYBERCYBER
CYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBER
CYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBER
CYBERCYBER

ACTIVATE CYBER SOCKS

ewok, wicket, stormtroopers, blood, otakate, rebel pilot, star wars, chewie, chewbacca, r2-d2, space : i too have been underestimated by those i later ate for dinner! chut! chut! choota!!! i may not have blown up the death star, but i did kill my share of space fascists! grooonnnk my friends understand me. or i rip their arms off! i know that i'm the hero of the story. that's good enough for me.

Rebels Need to Stay Positive

It's been a hard year, so let's check in with the Star Wars Gang for some uplifting messages.

I don't usually do this, but-

I just made a big table of all my shirts just so I can see them, so I'm gonna plop it here for a day or two. I'm honestly a little surprised at just how many shirts I've made sometimes, and I live with them.














		Not to mention, there's a whole page of last chance clearance shirts...

clango, roger the cat : hey, kitty. mew! you don't only like me because i feed you, right? let's not make our relationship weird, okay? mew!

Work Friends

Cats are like co-workers, not exactly the same thing as friends.

I don't usually do this, but-

I just made a big table of all my shirts just so I can see them, so I'm gonna plop it here for a day or two. I'm honestly a little surprised at just how many shirts I've made sometimes, and I live with them.














		Not to mention, there's a whole page of last chance clearance shirts...

clango, red robot : so what if the cat only likes me for my food? how's that different from how every other person operates? at least cats are honest about it. at least cats are honest about it?

Motivated by Friendship

SPECIAL BULLETIN: The dark secret behind cat friendship.

clango, red robot : i'm glad you and the kitty are friends. it's good for both of you to like someone else without irony. roger's feelings for you are sincere! he sincerely believes you should keep feeding him if you know what's good for you. is that a threat? dammit, i'm trying to save your life here!

The Power of Belief

Tonight's comic is about the power of belief, which in Cat Speak loosely translates to "food."

veggie allie, pale suzie, holding coffee pot, drinking coffee pot : NO. how is coffee not a soup?! you cook vegetables in hot water and then drink it! i will grant you that it is a broth. which i drink to cure my sickness!

Liquid Nutrition

soup soup soup soup SOUP SOUP SOUP soup soup soup

veggie allie, pale suzie, holding coffee pot, drinking coffee pot : glug glug glug glug are you sure drinking that much coffee is safe? safe? safe?! what could be healthier than mind-bending amounts of a hearty, vegan winter soup?!

Fluid Dynamics

Let's get healthy by drinking the healthiest soup on Earth.

red robot, roger the cat, cat in chest, cat bed, jump, leap, hearts : prepare to disembark after a day of fun! same time next week? yes, i will improve the on-board snack experience next time. maow sure, they can still be alive when you eat them. mew! and that's why kitties and killer robots get along.

Unlikely Animal Friends

Tonight's comic is about the internet's favorite subject: Unlikely Animal Friends.

lil sis, indie rock pete : i don't celebrate, but i feel an obligation to write a christmas song. to add something enduring to the canon, you know? yes, i am a hero. i do it for the children and the former children. you realize how tiny streaming music royalties are, right? Santa really does spell satan!!!

Simply Having

... A wonderful Christmas song.

clango, maura : i'm a robot! i aspire to be a robot! want to know the best way to be like a robot? beep boop please! the most robot thing you can do is aspire to be a person. i hate you. that means i'm a person!

Never Get What You Want

Quick question- Do you know the most robot thing a person can do?

csstine, pale suzie, sleepy, tired, holding coffee : how old were you when you had your first coffee? some would say that i wasn't born until i had my first coffee. but that would be poetic. i'm gonna need three more of these before i can stomach poetry. only three?

A Rebirth in a Mug

How old were you when you had your first coffee? Feel free to ascribe all poem-negativity in this comic directly to my own feelings on the subject.

csstine, pale suzie, sleepy, tired, holding coffee : hi monday, i'm coffee. hi coffee, i'm dad. hi dad, i'm sleepy. hi sleepy, i'm dopey. hi dopey, i'm dad again. hi dad again, i'm a call back to panel one. hi call back to panel one, i'm not sure we're awake yet.

Wake Me When It's Hump Day

Hi Monday, I'm coffee.

red robot, roger the cat in chest, clango : *ahem* it's not what it looks like!why is my kitty in your tummy? we are not best friends on a pleasant stroll through the countryside! he is my fleshy prisoner! doom to all who live! you guys have fun and i'll see you at dinner.

Friendship is Complicated

Tonight's comic wants you to know it's OK to admit you have friends.

red robot, roger the cat in chest, sun, sunset : are we there yet? mew? you thought i was driving? i thought you were driving! mew! nah, i'm not mad. being lost just means we get to hang out longer.

Time, Travel

FUN FACT: Even Red Robot can be nice, sometimes.

metal steve, menace-11, opens mouth, skull, skull falls out, bonk : how are things, menace? bonk fine.

Smile Until It Works!

Menace-11 is coping with reality as well as anyone can right now.

torpor, pale suzie, sith robes : hooray evil friends fun club hail satan!!! i'm not evil. i'm just having a bad year. maybe, but torpor believe in you!

This is Also How I Greet My Cat

Being evil is a totally valid life goal.

torpor, pale suzie, sith robes : torpor like your cool hoodie! i'm a sith lord now. hashtag hate leads to suffering. always two there are! can torpor be apprentice? you're a good person. i would never doom you to a life as my evil thrall. if best friends forever is evil, torpor not see moral argument for being good!

The Rule of 'Tood

Torpor is a friend to all, even Sith Lords.

red robot, roger the cat, inside chest, outside, cloud, sun, building : no, this does not count as a road trip! mew! i'm pretty sure that to count as a road trip, a vehicle must be present. i am not a vehicle! mew? yes, you need to get out if you have to pee!

Thelma and Wee Wee

Let's check back in with Red Robot and Roger the Cat as they trundle through the countryside.

pale suzie, charles canadian, star trek uniform : if you could have any wish in the world right now, what would i any wish? any wish at all. computer, end program. holodeck

All Decked Out

Tonight's comic asks: If you could have any wish right now...

red robot, roger the cat, cat tree, inside stomach chest : kitty kitty kitty kitty you're gonna have to come out of there eventually. mew! come on, buddy! we have fools to kill and jerks to terrify. hiss! ok, fine. keep in mind this is only temporary.

Bunker Mentality

Even kitties need a friend sometimes.

csstine, 2001 monolith : well, if it isn't humankind's old

2001 Problems and a Space Odyssey Ain't One

Hey- Don't let the Monoliths get you down.

pale suzie, johnny toaster, waffles, toast, roger the cat, plate, stack of waffles, stack of food, doctor who scarf : johnny toaster! emergency breakfast maneuver gallifrey! slow down there, carbs tardis!

Hungrier on the Inside

I was gonna go dark tonight, but opted instead for a visit with Johnny Toaster.

maura, john stamos kitten, roger the cat, playing cat, showing tummy, bed, door, poopy : augh! the doody bandit strikes again! who pooped in my bed? i demand a poopy answer! ha ha ha! it was me! i was the one who pooped in your bed! mrowww you have a litter box! all i ask is that you poop in there. never! my art is meaningless without context! mew mew mew

Who Pooped the Bed?

In tonight's comic, we uncover the identity of the notorious BED POOPER.

SECRET SHIRT DO NOT CLICK

NEEDS TEXT

Post-Meta-Eighth-Wall-Callbacks

Tonight's comic is original, but don't hold that against it.

***********

Just a quick store note: I'll be out of town for a couple days this week- shipping until noon Monday, then back first thing Friday! I need to go turn old somewhere safe. CONVENIENT STORE LINK

(Comics should post as usual, because I am an adult.)

NEEDS TEXT

Disgracefully Aging

Tonight's comic is the worst birthday comic ever.

***********

Just a quick store note: I'll be out of town for a couple days this week- shipping until noon Monday, then back first thing Friday! I need to go turn old somewhere safe. CONVENIENT STORE LINK

(Comics should post as usual, because I am an adult.)

NEEDS TEXT

The Cool Count

Tonight's comic likes your new bathrobe.

***********

Just a quick store note: I'll be out of town for a couple days this week- shipping until noon Monday, then back first thing Friday! I need to go turn old somewhere safe. CONVENIENT STORE LINK

(Comics should post as usual, because I am an adult.)

NEEDS TEXT

Everybody Else's Habits

Here's the thing: Everybody ELSE'S habits are annoying. Mine are Life Hacks

***********

Just a quick store note: I'll be out of town for a couple days this week- shipping until noon Monday, then back first thing Friday! I need to go turn old somewhere safe. CONVENIENT STORE LINK

(Comics should post as usual, because I am an adult.)

charles canadian, nintendo NES : ooh! a retro nintendo! this thing was my childhood. i must have it! maybe if i buy one, it'll be like all the horrors of adulthood never happened! So he did. But it didn’t. Happy gaming!

Retro Just Means Having Nothing Left to Buy

Video games!A fun diversion from reality! Ha! Ha!

Just a quick store note: I'll be out of town for a couple days this week- shipping until noon Monday, then back first thing Friday! I need to go turn old somewhere safe. CONVENIENT STORE LINK

(Comics should post as usual, because I am an adult.)

pale suzie, cardboard box, roger the cat : who's a cute little kitty in a box? you're a cute little kitty in a box! it's so adorable that cats can't resist boxes. there's nothing cute about the fact that free will does not exist!!! MAOW

Cuteness Out of Context

Tonight's comic questions the concept of free will.

cardboard box, roger the cat : finally, we meet again. maow not you! not again! i am a box. you are a cat. i'm stronger now! your hold over me is broken! you cannot escape your destiny. no! free... will... exists... I must... god dammit. mrrawwwlll

My Old Nemesis

Cats, boxes and destiny.

csstine, library anne : holding book do you really think books can save the world? books contain entire worlds- -isn't that enough? how on earth are you so optimistic? earth is but one world, my wizard.

Off the Books

Do you really think books can save the world?

csstine, library anne : holding book i read FIFTY books last year. i'm shooting for FIVE HUNDRED this year. what can you possibly hope to get out of reading THAT many books? a brief distraction from feelings of impending doom!

Book Challenge! Book Challenge!

How many books do you plan to read this year?

charles canadian, pale suzie : hey there, buckaroo! make any big new year's resolutions this year? why does everyone assume i want to hate myself and feel like a failure? it's not about feeling bad about yourself... it's about self-improvement. aren't those the same thing?

Turtles in Time

Tonight's comic wants to know if you made any resolutions this year.

clango, lil sis : aside from the fact that years are non-sentient- -arbitrary units of time devised by people- -that only possess meaning when humans project it upon them- what has 2016 taught you? sleep with one eye open

Calendar vs. Predator

Tonight's comic wants to know what you learned from 2016.

roger the cat, red robot, smile : mew! thank you for being nice to me. don't thank me! it's not like i had a choice! if i wasn't nice to you, you'd tell everyone i was nice to you! robots can use logic to ruin anything. i have a reputation to maintain!

It's All About That Logic

Tonight's comic wants to thank you for being a friend.

roger the cat, red robot, smile : mew! i've had a bad day! be nice to me! this unit cares not what kind of

The Golden Mewl

Tonight's comic makes a case for friendship.

clango, john stamos kitten, lil sis : hey kitty! got any... mew year's plans? sigh apparently she does, but i'm not invited.

Day Planner

How am I like a cat? I do not recognize your Earth "New Year".

maura, laptop : the best part of working for myself is no one can force me to take holidays. but the best part of working alone is going to the office for peace and solitude. don't judge me. you'd do the same if you liked your work.

Keep Your Own Schedule

Holidays: The best part of working for yourself.

charles canadian, maura : taking a break over the holidays at all? uhhhhhhh if i told you i was taking a day off, would you believe me? i would if you hadn't just told me. then pretend i was speaking hypothetically!

Taking Time Travel Off

Are you taking a break over the holidays at all? My condolences if you are.

lil sis, red robot, covered in blood, skull : you put that santa juice back inside his meat thermos this instant! i would, but santa's not real. you take that back! i deserve the comfort of superstition! what if i volunteer to be your crimson gift-giver? are the gifts human skulls? you ruined the surprise!

It Wasn't a Surprise to Anyone

Humans are like juice boxes, only juice boxes don't complain.

darth vader, torpor, hug : rebel scum! release me! torpor release handsome tantrum only after he receives all of torpor's love! i am... handsome? and shiny like tight leather pants!

Sixteen Years of Comics Were Worth It To Write This Punchline

ho ho ho HO HO HO HO HO HO ho ho ho ho ho

darth vader, torpor, hug : rebel scum! release me! torpor release handsome tantrum only after he receives all of torpor's love! i am... handsome? and shiny like tight leather pants!

Hate Leads to Suffering

Only Torpor can do what the Star Wars prequels never managed to do: make people feel bad for Darth Vader.

darth vader, torpor, hug : rebel scum! release me! torpor release handsome tantrum only after he receives all of torpor's love! i am... handsome? and shiny like tight leather pants!

Hate Leads to Suffering

Only Torpor can do what the Star Wars prequels never managed to do: make people feel bad for Darth Vader.

darth vader, torpor, hug : hiss greetings and hello, sadness daddy! respect my pain and darkness! torpor love sadness daddy. wahh! hate is my strength. torpor give sadness daddy a hug! nooooooo

Force Choke Me a River

GET BOB DISNEYS ON THE HORN I've got your Darth Vader movie pitch right here

pale suzie, maura, vr, virtual reality goggles, coffee, holding coffee, drinking coffee : are you hiding in virtual reality again? nope! not hiding. this is my true reality now. it is your reality that i now consider the false one! we have coffee in my reality. yes, but you also have the rest of your reality.

Repeal the Real

It's only hiding in virtual reality if the "real" reality is not a nightmare clownshow.

JUST A QUICK PROGRAM NOTE

I should have more size MEDIUM fuck it sweatpants late next week. All other sizes are currently in stock in limited quantities!

robby the robot lost in space, library anne, csstine : danger danger danger danger danger danger danger danger he's been doing that for eleven months now. how is his battery not dead? fucking 2016.

Word of the Year

Until Merriam-Webster announces their word of the year, here's mine.

metal steve, clango : i missed hanging out with you. we should do this more often! but not every day. definitely not! i don't want you to realize i'm boring. you're not boring! you're consistent. you're saying i'm average, but you don't want to be... mean. there should be a median to keep you using statistics in that... mode.

Math Is Chaotic Neutral

Math puns: they're pure evil.

ACTIVATE CYBER SOCKS

metal steve, clango, hearts, stars, floppy disks : hello, cyber friend! hello, meat friend! i enjoy our special cyber relationship. and i take great pleasure in you, meat friend! i'm always so happy when i take time out to cyber with you. and for my tastes, nothing beats you, meat! and because they were pure of heart, they got to live in the nineties forever

Cyber Decade of Cyber Dreams

CYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBER
CYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBER
CYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBER
CYBER CYBER CYBERCYBERCYBERCYBER
CYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBER
CYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBERCYBER
CYBERCYBER

ACTIVATE CYBER SOCKS

ewok, wicket, stormtroopers, blood, otakate, rebel pilot, star wars, chewie, chewbacca, r2-d2, space : i too have been underestimated by those i later ate for dinner! chut! chut! choota!!! i may not have blown up the death star, but i did kill my share of space fascists! grooonnnk my friends understand me. or i rip their arms off! i know that i'm the hero of the story. that's good enough for me.

Rebels Need to Stay Positive

It's been a hard year, so let's check in with the Star Wars Gang for some uplifting messages.

I don't usually do this, but-

I just made a big table of all my shirts just so I can see them, so I'm gonna plop it here for a day or two. I'm honestly a little surprised at just how many shirts I've made sometimes, and I live with them.














		Not to mention, there's a whole page of last chance clearance shirts...

clango, roger the cat : hey, kitty. mew! you don't only like me because i feed you, right? let's not make our relationship weird, okay? mew!

Work Friends

Cats are like co-workers, not exactly the same thing as friends.

I don't usually do this, but-

I just made a big table of all my shirts just so I can see them, so I'm gonna plop it here for a day or two. I'm honestly a little surprised at just how many shirts I've made sometimes, and I live with them.














		Not to mention, there's a whole page of last chance clearance shirts...

clango, red robot : so what if the cat only likes me for my food? how's that different from how every other person operates? at least cats are honest about it. at least cats are honest about it?

Motivated by Friendship

SPECIAL BULLETIN: The dark secret behind cat friendship.

clango, red robot : i'm glad you and the kitty are friends. it's good for both of you to like someone else without irony. roger's feelings for you are sincere! he sincerely believes you should keep feeding him if you know what's good for you. is that a threat? dammit, i'm trying to save your life here!

The Power of Belief

Tonight's comic is about the power of belief, which in Cat Speak loosely translates to "food."

veggie allie, pale suzie, holding coffee pot, drinking coffee pot : NO. how is coffee not a soup?! you cook vegetables in hot water and then drink it! i will grant you that it is a broth. which i drink to cure my sickness!

Liquid Nutrition

soup soup soup soup SOUP SOUP SOUP soup soup soup

veggie allie, pale suzie, holding coffee pot, drinking coffee pot : glug glug glug glug are you sure drinking that much coffee is safe? safe? safe?! what could be healthier than mind-bending amounts of a hearty, vegan winter soup?!

Fluid Dynamics

Let's get healthy by drinking the healthiest soup on Earth.

red robot, roger the cat, cat in chest, cat bed, jump, leap, hearts : prepare to disembark after a day of fun! same time next week? yes, i will improve the on-board snack experience next time. maow sure, they can still be alive when you eat them. mew! and that's why kitties and killer robots get along.

Unlikely Animal Friends

Tonight's comic is about the internet's favorite subject: Unlikely Animal Friends.

lil sis, indie rock pete : i don't celebrate, but i feel an obligation to write a christmas song. to add something enduring to the canon, you know? yes, i am a hero. i do it for the children and the former children. you realize how tiny streaming music royalties are, right? Santa really does spell satan!!!

Simply Having

... A wonderful Christmas song.

clango, maura : i'm a robot! i aspire to be a robot! want to know the best way to be like a robot? beep boop please! the most robot thing you can do is aspire to be a person. i hate you. that means i'm a person!

Never Get What You Want

Quick question- Do you know the most robot thing a person can do?

csstine, pale suzie, sleepy, tired, holding coffee : how old were you when you had your first coffee? some would say that i wasn't born until i had my first coffee. but that would be poetic. i'm gonna need three more of these before i can stomach poetry. only three?

A Rebirth in a Mug

How old were you when you had your first coffee? Feel free to ascribe all poem-negativity in this comic directly to my own feelings on the subject.

csstine, pale suzie, sleepy, tired, holding coffee : hi monday, i'm coffee. hi coffee, i'm dad. hi dad, i'm sleepy. hi sleepy, i'm dopey. hi dopey, i'm dad again. hi dad again, i'm a call back to panel one. hi call back to panel one, i'm not sure we're awake yet.

Wake Me When It's Hump Day

Hi Monday, I'm coffee.

red robot, roger the cat in chest, clango : *ahem* it's not what it looks like!why is my kitty in your tummy? we are not best friends on a pleasant stroll through the countryside! he is my fleshy prisoner! doom to all who live! you guys have fun and i'll see you at dinner.

Friendship is Complicated

Tonight's comic wants you to know it's OK to admit you have friends.

red robot, roger the cat in chest, sun, sunset : are we there yet? mew? you thought i was driving? i thought you were driving! mew! nah, i'm not mad. being lost just means we get to hang out longer.

Time, Travel

FUN FACT: Even Red Robot can be nice, sometimes.

metal steve, menace-11, opens mouth, skull, skull falls out, bonk : how are things, menace? bonk fine.

Smile Until It Works!

Menace-11 is coping with reality as well as anyone can right now.

torpor, pale suzie, sith robes : hooray evil friends fun club hail satan!!! i'm not evil. i'm just having a bad year. maybe, but torpor believe in you!

This is Also How I Greet My Cat

Being evil is a totally valid life goal.

torpor, pale suzie, sith robes : torpor like your cool hoodie! i'm a sith lord now. hashtag hate leads to suffering. always two there are! can torpor be apprentice? you're a good person. i would never doom you to a life as my evil thrall. if best friends forever is evil, torpor not see moral argument for being good!

The Rule of 'Tood

Torpor is a friend to all, even Sith Lords.

red robot, roger the cat, inside chest, outside, cloud, sun, building : no, this does not count as a road trip! mew! i'm pretty sure that to count as a road trip, a vehicle must be present. i am not a vehicle! mew? yes, you need to get out if you have to pee!

Thelma and Wee Wee

Let's check back in with Red Robot and Roger the Cat as they trundle through the countryside.

pale suzie, charles canadian, star trek uniform : if you could have any wish in the world right now, what would i any wish? any wish at all. computer, end program. holodeck

All Decked Out

Tonight's comic asks: If you could have any wish right now...

red robot, roger the cat, cat tree, inside stomach chest : kitty kitty kitty kitty you're gonna have to come out of there eventually. mew! come on, buddy! we have fools to kill and jerks to terrify. hiss! ok, fine. keep in mind this is only temporary.

Bunker Mentality

Even kitties need a friend sometimes.

csstine, 2001 monolith : well, if it isn't humankind's old

2001 Problems and a Space Odyssey Ain't One

Hey- Don't let the Monoliths get you down.

pale suzie, johnny toaster, waffles, toast, roger the cat, plate, stack of waffles, stack of food, doctor who scarf : johnny toaster! emergency breakfast maneuver gallifrey! slow down there, carbs tardis!

Hungrier on the Inside

I was gonna go dark tonight, but opted instead for a visit with Johnny Toaster.

maura, john stamos kitten, roger the cat, playing cat, showing tummy, bed, door, poopy : augh! the doody bandit strikes again! who pooped in my bed? i demand a poopy answer! ha ha ha! it was me! i was the one who pooped in your bed! mrowww you have a litter box! all i ask is that you poop in there. never! my art is meaningless without context! mew mew mew

Who Pooped the Bed?

In tonight's comic, we uncover the identity of the notorious BED POOPER.

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