metal steve, lil sis : you have great self-esteem! and i don't need you to tell me that. but thanks for noticing and not spinning it into a negative. why would your positive self-image be harmful to anyone else? HA! i forgot that you never joined facebook!

Accentuate the Plausible

Tonight's comic has great self-esteem.

– @rstevens



metal steve, lil sis : you're doctor sis now? that's my title, don't wear it out. i had no idea- -how much you all underestimate me? i'm just messing with you! i don't actually give a clown's fart what any of you turd blurbs think of me!

Ghost-Doctoral

That's my title, don't wear it out.

– @rstevens



maura, lil sis : so, what kind of degree did i pay for? please tell me it's something practical. can you at least start a cult with it? at least we have the same definition of

The Definition of Practical

Tonight's comic wants to know what kind of degree she paid for.

– @rstevens



maura, lil sis, holding beer : i honestly had no idea you were still in school. i'm a terrible sibling. of course not! you were there for the important part. i was? it's possible you may have paid for it. i did? and my alma mater thanks you for your generosity!

Each According to their Need

You can screw up a lot as long as you're there for the important part.

– @rstevens



maura, lil sis, holding beer : lil sis! i haven't seen you in six beers from forever! where you been? oh, you know. getting my degrees. my lil sis. all formally grown up. *ahem* master sis? doctor sis.

Lil Sis: The Return

Tonight's comic wants to know where Lil Sis has been.

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, csstine : cats cats cats i see that you like cats now. they have such a warmer, fuller sound compared to human friends what if i told you i liked cats before cats were cool? trick question! cats were always cool? cats don't care if you think they're cool.

Healthy Self-Hissteem

Cats have such a warmer, fuller sound compared to human friends.

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, clango : cats cats cats hello! have you heard the good mews? mew! get it? like what a kitty says. i like cats now. mew don't say!

Cat-Echism

Hello! Have you heard the good Mews?

– @rstevens



pale suzie, indie rock pete : cats cats cats it's not healthy to only hang out with cats! sure. hanging out with humans is so much healthier. pete covered in cats

Clique and Clack

Tonight's comic prefers to hang out with cats.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, indie rock pete : whatcha want to do tonight? something different! i dunno. that sounds like work. maybe i need new friends. good luck making friends at our age. i never lost the ability to make friends- it's just that i only want to make friends with cats.

Furriest Among Equals

Tonight's comic wants to know what you want to do tonight.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, indie rock pete : i like your beard. how dare you! it makes you look distinguished. are you calling my beard a liar?! i'm trying to be nice. you're trying to drive a wedge between me and beardy. you named your beard? don't listen to her, beardy.

Diss-Tinguished

Tonight's comic likes your beard.

– @rstevens



john stamos kitten, uncle grandpa mac : otakate : ooh! a centaur! maaowww no! i am a cyborg! oh, so you consider horses technology and not animals? you realize i'm an animal, right? mew? i thought you were a cat?

Both Halves Are Bottom Halves

Centaurs? Cyborgs? I'm the one with the butt.

– @rstevens



john stamos kitten, uncle grandpa mac : mew! i am a cyborg! an unstoppable combination of cat and machine! mrow hey! ask permission before making someone else your butt! you should be honored to be my butt! i am my own butt!

Centaur the Future

CYBORG CYBORG CYBORG

– @rstevens



pale suzie, otakate, smile : i feel doomed. cheer up!  be grateful you only feel doomed. it's not working. we're doomed!

Doom is Just Mood Backwards

Tonight's comic has opinions on feeling doomed.

Happy anniversary of the end of the last episode of the Golden Girls!

golden girls shirt

and the *original* Girls.


– @rstevens



torpor, red robot : hello again, red friend! greetings, inferior. you're so silly, red friend! my self-professed superiority is no joke! of course is no joke! red friend is never funny! no! you don't get to control my narrative! you always make me smile, angry friend. stop being so accepting of me!

The Zone of Friendship

Torpor has a strange definition of friendship and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy anniversary of the end of the last episode of the Golden Girls!

golden girls shirt

and the *original* Girls.


– @rstevens



red robot, maura : your whole identity is tied up in crushing humans. but people are their own worst enemies. you wouldn't even know what to do if humanity destroyed itself. besides party? and then turn against my own kind.

I Can't Stop Writing Autobio Comics

Don't tell anyone though, OK? I wouldn't want to be lauded for it.

– @rstevens



red robot, maura : CRUSH ALL HUMANS do you really think we need the help? i'm allowed to be supportive when it suits me! but seriously, you guys make me feel redundant lately. that must be so terrible for you.

You Can't Spell "Assist" Without "ass"

Tonight's comic has opinions about crushing all humans.

– @rstevens



john stamos kitten, darth vader, frown : mew mew maow maow yes, my master. levitates cat food crunch crunch now retrieve my litter box. quickly, apprentice!

Force Feed

Always two there are, comics about cat Sith Lords.

WARNING!

I seem to have a new SECRET SHIRT up for preorder.

computers professional pin

– @rstevens



john stamos kitten, darth vader, smile : mew mew maow maow sure, i'd love to rule the galaxy as father and son! of course i know the power of the dark side. ohh. i see. yes, my master.

Always the Apprentice, Never the Emperor

If you've never seen the Star Wars prequels, I just saved you six hours.

WARNING!

I seem to have a new SECRET SHIRT up for preorder.

computers professional pin

– @rstevens



otakate, red robot : this unit is bored! i require higher quality enemies! i may be cute, but i assure you i am evil. whatever you say, human. not all of us need to be covered in blood to be scary. that proves nothing! imagine what i've gotten away with.

The Phantom Menace

Stop! PALPA-TIME.

computers professional pin

– @rstevens



otakate, red robot : humans are a gormless, disgusting species! you leave nothing in your wake but mindless destruction! the highest dream your malignant kind can hope for is to grow smart enough to become truly evil! is that why you want to destroy us? it's the only reason i respect you!

You've Got to Have Goals

*My* goal for today was to use my favorite vocab work in the first panel of this comic.

computers professional pin

– @rstevens



torpor, red robot : crying sad eyes hello, drippy red friend! kiss my port, you insipid banana. all that blood sure does make you look tough! are you mocking me? somehow, you make sloppy look scary! please stop making fun of me. torpor can only dream of some day being a bad dude like you! why are you being so mean to me?!?!

Only What You Bring With you

DID YOU KNOW: Most insults begin in the mind of the one insulted?

computers professional pin

– @rstevens



pale suzie, torpor : torpor, how do you stay so positive? very great question thank you! yes, excellent very great question indeed. you constantly erase your memory, don't you? your guess is as good as torpor's!

You Know Who Else Brightens My Entire Day?

POSITIVITY: The hidden menace

computers professional pin

– @rstevens



pale suzie, torpor : torpor, how do you stay so positive? very great question thank you! yes, excellent very great question indeed. you constantly erase your memory, don't you? your guess is as good as torpor's!

So Fresh and So Clean

How to stay positive.

computers professional pin

– @rstevens



pale suzie, torpor : thought balloon hey, torpor. hello best friend! am i really your best friend? best friends of course infinity. you always know how to brighten my day. hooray! torpor really wish torpor could remember human friend's name.

Failing Gracefully

If you're going to fail, fail gracefully.

computers professional pin

– @rstevens



csstine, library anne : facts are real! so are feelings! feelings are not the opposite of facts. they just sometimes get in the way of facts.

Science is a Vegetable

Tonight's comic is about the difference between facts and feelings.

– @rstevens



indie rock pete,, pale suzie, cat ears, cat eyes : i won a free pizza and found fifty bucks on the street this week! top that. i was declared an honorary cat, with all the rights and privileges that rank implies. so much for my great week. now bring me food or suffer eternal torment!

The Pizza is Always Greener

there's a very good reason that I don't tell people when I'm having a good week.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, coffee pot, roger the cat : mew you have served me well over the years, mortal. as your reward, it is within my power to declare you a true cat but then who would feed you? and thus you have passed my final test, apprentice.

A Purr-ternal Reward

FUN FACT: I like to pretend every interaction I have with a cat is actually with my mentor Darth Sidious

computers professional pin

I made a new pin for COMPUTERS PROFESSIONALS because I love computers.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, coffee pot, roger the cat : hey! no coffee for kitty! mew purr why not? it's poison to cats! then why do you drink it? you have no idea how depressing life is when you're not a cat.

Durable Standards

>>>NO COFFEE FOR KITTY<<<

computers professional pin

I made a new pin for COMPUTERS PROFESSIONALS because I love computers.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, indie rock pete, coffee pot, roger the cat : we rely on coffee for emotional support. smarter than relying on me! but who does coffee rely on? who could possibly be that strong? what if coffee has no one to rely on? the potential ramifications are terrifying. mew purrr

A Deluge of Feels

We rely on coffee- But who can COFFEE rely on?

– @rstevens



pale suzie, coffee pot, skull, smoke, fire : how's life, professor drippy? gurgle you weren't supposed to answer honestly. hisssss i wasn't really prepared for this to be a mutually supportive friendship!

Entropy is a One-Way Street

Today's comic is about how friendship really works.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, red robot : covered in blood smile : you know what i like about you, red robot? the fact that my mere existence absolves you of responsibility of being top of the food chain? that the terror i represent frees you from any and all bowels-related shame? i never have to pretend to be nice around you. but i have more shit to talk!

An Honest Enemy Beats an Unreliable Friend

Today's comic is about the scourge of being nice.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, red robot : covered in blood smile smiling : don't you ever get tired of being disappointed in people? don't you ever get tired of hating people? we should really team up.

Peanut Butter vs. Chocolate vs. Predator

Today's comic wants to know if you ever get tired of hating people?

– @rstevens



pale suzie, red robot : covered in blood arms up people are terrible! i'm taking a day off the internet. ok bye ok bye i thought you said- i had to reply to someone first.

Human Hiatus

People are terrible, so Red Robot is taking a day off the internet.

– @rstevens



clango, indie rock pete : hello, new friend! my toaster told me to make an effort to meet new people. we've known each other for years. pretending you're a new person makes it easier to like you. hello, new friend! what's your name?

The Robot's Name is Clango Cyclotron

Tonight's comic wants to make new friends!

– @rstevens



clango, jonny toaster, toast, burnt toast, ash, smoke, fire : chonk johnny toaster, i need some advice- can i be loyal to my friends and live my best life? it's nice to know you wouldn't pretend to be my friend if you didn't actually like me.

Friends and Enemas

WHEREIN a robot gets life advice from a toaster. You won't read comics like this anywhere else, kids.

– @rstevens



lil sis, john stamos kitten, on top of refrigerator, fridge : mew! hey! are you stuck up there? of course i am stuck up here! do you want help? of course i want help! complaining is more fun together.

Real Friends Help When You Get Stuck

When a kitty meets a kitty stuck atop the fridge.

– @rstevens



lil sis, john stamos kitten, on top of refrigerator, fridge : mew! i am the greatest hero who has ever lived! my achievements are singular! i am a god! i need no one! can someone please help me down?

The Mountaintop

Dang it, my cat got into the Ayn Rand novels again. I'm gonna have to get her deloused and treated for adverbs.

– @rstevens



lil sis, john stamos kitten, on top of refrigerator, fridge : mew! are you stuck? mew! of course not! mew! do you need help getting down?would you admit it if you needed help from anyone, ever? of course not! mew! of course not!

Independent Beyond a Fault

It may look like a cat, but it's really someone you know.

– @rstevens



library anne, csstine : so much of writing is staring into space. which means not only do people roll their eyes when you say you're a writer - they think you're lazy when they see you writing! there's your first mistake. leaving the house? caring what other people think.

Tinnitus of the Soul

I'm really envious of people who can write with other people around.

– @rstevens



library anne, csstine : so much of writing is staring into space. which means not only do people roll their eyes when you say you're a writer - they think you're lazy when they see you writing! there's your first mistake. leaving the house? caring what other people think.

Into the Void

Tonight's comic is about the writing process.

– @rstevens



lil sis, indie rock pete : holding coffee it's like the old saying goes: keep your friends close... ...but strike preemptively against your enemies. did you poop in my pockets? of course not! but i wouldn't drink that coffee if i were you.

Proximity Mines

It's like the old saying goes: Keep your friends close...

– @rstevens



lil sis, indie rock pete : we never talk about our feelings. why would anyone do that on purpose? you know how i feel about you, right? callous indifference? exactly! enemies are closer than friends could ever be. i'm just happy you have any feelings about me at all. hey! too sincere. sorry. i hate you.

Layers of Emotion

Time to talk about our feelings. Ha! Ha! (Ha.)

– @rstevens



wolverine, torpor : it's been fun, but i have to go save the world by killing people! aww, cousin uncle l'il bub but uncle murders, how does killing people save the world? one word: overpopulation. imagine if there were too many people in the world for you to hug them all... noooooooo

The Numbers Game

Wolverine. Torpor the Robot. Unachievable goals. 'Nuff said!

– @rstevens



wolverine, torpor, gif : hey, torpor! l'il bub! my name isn't- do your special dance, l'il bub! i'm kind of busy with the x-men and- please please please please *sigh* only for you. l'il bub is best at what l'il bub does!!

The Adventures of Wee Logan

Torpor wants you to do your special dance, L'il Bub!!!

– @rstevens



otakate, electron mike : why watch video games when you can play video games? i dunno- why watch sports when you can play sports? people watch sports? even weirder- people play sports.

I Like to Watch

Tonight's comic likes to watch (people play video games.)

– @rstevens



otakate, electron mike : wanna come over tonight and watch other people play video games on tv? why would i want to relive the most frustrating part of my youth? -when i could actually be playing games? sometimes i forget how old you are. sometimes i take that as a compliment.

Things That Make Me Twitch

Maybe I'm old, but I really don't want to sit around watching other people play video games.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, otakate, avocado, weird smile : food i put barbecue potato chips on peanut butter sandwiches. whatever makes you happy! i enjoy ham, pineapple, and marshmallow pizza! you do you, buddy. i like walking around with a ripe avocado down my shorts! i thought we were talking weird recipes.

Moisturize the Natural Way

My tummy is grumbling! Tonight's comic contains three of my favorite recipes!

– @rstevens



lil sis, indie rock pete : electric zap lightning bolts i'm an artist, dang it! i may hate my own work, but i'll be rum hammed if i let anyone else hate it! feeling creative again yet? oh, how i hate you.

Only I Get to Hate Me

There's only one sure-fire way to break through a creative block.

– @rstevens



lil sis, indie rock pete : i feel so hopeless. what's the point of life? what's the point of art? i'll show you, you piece of

In Need of a Moriarty

When Indie Rock Pete is depressed, this is what he needs.

– @rstevens



john stamos kitten, lord taco puss, kitty closeup : mew mew mew mew i'm a cat! i am also a cat! i actually enjoy being a cat! who says i'm not having fun?!

I'm a Cat!

It's like my cat always says: I'M A CAT!

– @rstevens



john stamos kitten, lord taco puss, nom cat food bowl, kitty but butthole, kitty closeup : life hack! dislike everything in advance so you'll never be disappointed! mew mew maow crunch hiss bah solitude life hack! if your super negative friend hates something, it's probably good! life hack! stop surrounding yourself with negative people! life hack! get ready to spend a lot of time alone!

Life Hacks for the Year 2017

TONIGHT ONLY! I asked my cat for some good life hacks to get through this year.

– @rstevens



metal steve, indie rock pete, holding phones : bip bop bloop tip tap type coing gem fruit fave like dopamine hanging out is so much more fun now that we don't have to talk. shhhhh

Let's Never Talk Again

The silences between the sounds are the best parts of life.

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, library anne, holding book : So you’ve stumbled upon someone reading a book in public! You could: i see you are reading a book. let me tell you about a better book. Or you could: tap tap scroll : Get stabbed or act like a reasonable human being... THE CHOICE IS YOURS

So you've stumbled upon someone reading a book in public!

WHAT DO YOU DO?

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, library anne, holding book : i miss you! i'm right here. we should make more of an effort to hang out. trust me, this is very effortful. is this where you make a heartfelt comment about being an introvert? this is where you fuck off so i can read my book.

All other comics about introverts are LIES

You can trust me on this one.

– @rstevens



john stamos kitten, maura, holds beer, drinking beer, cat food bowl : maow maow maow maow food! i demand food right now! it's not time yet. clocks can be changed! time has no meaning! all i know is that i'm hungry right now! who am i to tell you not to live in the moment? crunch munch glug glug sigh

It's Always Brunchtime Somewhere

Clocks can be changed! Time has no meaning!

– @rstevens



covered in blood, indie rock pete, lil sis : you doing okay over there, petey? i'm good! it's an art project! you don't look so good. i'm a centaur! except instead of a horse, my butt is a jelly donut! the trick to always being right is simply outliving your enemies. WHUMP cloud dust zip pete falls skulls

It's Been a Draining Week

Tonight's comic is me when I'm sick.

– @rstevens



red robot, covered in blood, indie rock pete : look at you! covered in blood! a disgraceful mess! take some pride in your appearance, will ya? i take great pride in my appearance. this is camouflage. i'm going to be inside out soon, aren't i? surprise! you already are.

red robot, covered in blood, roger the cat, cat licking butt ass : mew mew mew red robot, you always look so cool and dress so well! i do just as many murders as you, but nobody takes me seriously maaowww what is the secret to your blood-soaked success? mew? i never lick myself. ???

A Bloody Sharp Suit

Red Robot #C-63 is the only mentor you'll ever need.

– @rstevens



otakate, pale suzie, pixel cloud, sun, sunshine, smoke, fire, outside : wanna get drunk and read twitter? how novel! i usually read twitter and then get drunk.

Tweet, Tweet, Against the Dying of the Light

Hey Suzie! Wanna get drunk and read Twitter?

– @rstevens



maura, electron mike, action figures, star wars figures, shelves : i like your dolls. they're action figures. oh. that's too bad. because if you did call them dolls, i'd assume you were a super confident dude. i save so much time this way!

Dolls Don't Play

Real action figures don't care if you call them dolls.

– @rstevens



red robot, pale suzie : could you maybe please...smile less? it creeps me out. i absolutely could stop smiling if it makes you uncomfortable! GIANT TERRIBLE SMILE

The Smile Police

Whatever you do in life, don't join the smile police.

– @rstevens



red robot, pale suzie : smiling smiles there's more to life than anger, you know! ? ohhh! you mean like cackling over the charred corpses of your enemies?

Monochromatic Moods

FUN FACT: There's more to life than anger, you know!

– @rstevens



red robot, pale suzie : arms up, fleshy frenemy! how goes your work lately? you know, feelings. hooray for feelings! anger is the key to my extreme productivity. the other kind of feelings. there are feelings other than anger? and this is why robots are the future.

Productivity: It's All the Rage

FLESHY FRENEMY! How goes your work lately?

– @rstevens



maura, roger the cat : in bed, sleeping, head under covers, bureau, bedside, john stamos kitten i know you're hungry. tell your brother to get off my head. if we can't all communcate and work together, nobody eats. later...

Kitty Collaboration

You know what? If you can't work with others, you won't get anywhere in life. (Look at me, for example.)

– @rstevens



maura, roger the cat : in bed, sleeping, head under covers, bureau, bedside, zzznnooorrgh maow maow maow maow you know, i might be better at feeding you if you let me sleep.  be smart! play the long game. zzz sleeping cat

Get Your Healthy Eight Meals Per Day

Cats: Why even bother trying to negotiate with them?

– @rstevens



otakate, lord taco puss cat : thank you for making me an honorary cat, boss! !!! i promise i won't let you down! maow maow disgusting human! you have already failed me! mew mew mew mew a cat does not ask for permission! MAAOWWW and a true cat certainly never cares what anyone else thinks!

Standards of Behavior

What's the one thing that cats never ask for?

– @rstevens



otakate, lord taco puss cat : do you want to live the best life you can? mew mew mew mew mew yes, i super do! maaaoowww? do you want to be fully ultimate self-actualized?! then you need my best-selling book on how to become a CAT maow maow maow but i'm not a cat. THAt's WHY YOU NEED MY BOOK! mew

Nine Lives to a Better Life

Someone should hire me to write Lord Taco-Puss's self-help book.

– @rstevens



lil sis, csstine : holding phone you there! thought leader! what say you about my latest tweet? i haven't looked. surely you saw- i deleted all my apps until the world becomes less horrifying. but how will you see my hilarious memes?! feel free to go fax yourself.

Just Say Nokia

Tonight's comic wants to know if you saw its latest tweet.

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, maura : writing is too hard. not if you pick a subject you truly care about. of course! i can utilize my limitless expertise! in what field? art? music? history? i'll write a book about how great i am! are you sure that's a good idea? comedy is hard.

Write What You Know

Tonight's comic is about how writing is too hard.

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, maura, holding phone : i wish i had the attention span to write a book. hang on a second. you've written 150,000 tweets. that's not the same thing! one hundred fifty thousand tweets. tweets are totally different. true. you can edit a book.

WE'LL DO IT LIVE

I wish I had the attention span to write a book.

– @rstevens



red robot, freyja : flames background i hate humanity! except you. whoa there! i never agreed to represent the human race. that's the point! 	wouldn't you rather the leader of the world be someone who desired the power? wait for it. ooooohhhh exactly.

Voluntary Representation

I HATE HUMANITY!

Except you.

– @rstevens



gamer gabe, csstine : why are you always so mean to me?! whatever happened to punching up? just because you have bad self-esteem doesn't mean i'm punching down. that's not how it feels to me. wow! maybe it can learn empathy.

Self-Reflection is an Oxymoron

EDITOR'S NOTE: This is precisely as much character development as Gamer Gabe will probably ever get.

– @rstevens



gamer gabe, csstine : blargh! i'm so sick of p.c. culture!!! yes! i totally agree! building a p.c. isn't worth it! game consoles are vastly easierif this was twitter... ...you'd send eggs after me because you can't think of a comeback? why-uhh-i'll fuhh-umm aww, is baby's princess in another castle?

Driver Conflicts Build Character

Oh no!!! Gamer Gabe is sick of P.C. Culture!!!

– @rstevens



pale suzie, lord taco puss : what's up, trouble? hisss trouble? me?! i am the protagonist in my own story, human! screee how dare you imply that just because i am a dangerous beast, you are the hero of this narrative! SCREEE ready for dinner? mewwwww hearts food bowl nom bowl cat food i love you so very, very much!!!

Hiro Protagonist

What's up, trouble?

– @rstevens



pale suzie, lord taco puss : who's a good kitty? maww i suppose it depends on your value system. are you a good kitty? are we going by confirmed kills? yes, you are a good kitty! mew! because i have taken more than my fair share of souls to meet the reaper. i love my kitty. mrrrrr perhaps you shall be next.

Measuring Morality

Who's a good kitty? Are YOU a good kitty?

– @rstevens



spider-man, pale suzie, lord taco puss, holding cat : spidey-sense oh, spidey! i'm so sorry about this. hiss i know you're not a threat or a menace. hiss i keep telling him about your heroic exploits, but he- fake mews

Jolly Jonah Jameson Has a Posse

Tonight's comic: THREAT or MENACE??

β˜Ÿβ¬‡β˜Ÿβ¬‡β˜Ÿβ¬‡β˜ŸοΈŽ

IT'S ALMOST
VALENTINE'S DAY

– @rstevens



roger the cat, clango : ? greetings, fellow nudist! how are you enjoying the refreshing wind blasting nature all up in your tingly bits this fine day? mew! i'm not a nudist. then where are your pants? maow maow maow!!! i didn't leave pants! pants left me!

Stay Wild. Stay Free.

GREETINGS, FELLOW NUDIST!

β˜Ÿβ¬‡β˜Ÿβ¬‡β˜Ÿβ¬‡β˜ŸοΈŽ

IT'S ALMOST
VALENTINE'S DAY

– @rstevens



roger the cat, csstine : mew mew mew mew i didn't block you! maow maow maow how should i know why you can't see my posts? am i seriously about to explain Algorithms to a cat? grrr hey! not all humans voted the same way. mew

Weighty Matters

Tonight's comic is about an insecure cat.

– @rstevens



red robot, torpor : you're always so happy. it's unnerving! hooray! you enjoy messing with me! i knew you weren't perfect! hooray! i feel better now that i know your dark secret. hooray! you're just happy because i'm happy, aren't you? hooray!

The Secret of Happiness

You're always so happy. IT'S UNNERVING!

– @rstevens



red robot, torpor : arms up torpor! join me in my mission to bring ultimate evil into the world! but red robot, you're already in the world. i hate you. hooray!

World Champion!

PRO TIP: Flattery will get you everywhere.

– @rstevens



red robot : arms up flames fire : i have dedicated my life to the craft of pure evil. but all this world rewards is mediocre shittiness. i guess i'll have to try harder.

Never Lower Your Standards

Tonight's comic is proud to be evil.

– @rstevens



csstine, red robot : arms up red robot, do you believe in evil? i believe in myself. does that count? you're cranky, but i don't know if you count as 'evil' nowadays. how dare you. you're definitely sassy. and pretty inconvenient! but but but gotta keep up with the times, man. shitty is not the same as evil!!!

Do you believe in Evil?

Or are you just into hard-core banality?

– @rstevens



pale suzie, clango : flames fire head your cat pooped in my coffee! for free?! why would i pay to get pooped on? hey, i don't judge. anyway, i demand satisfaction! i thought you already got pooped on? i said that i didn't judge.

Droppings Some Science

Tonight's comic is about getting pooped on.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, john stamos kitten, coffee maker, coffee cup, poop, splash, upside down : maow maow maow maow i do respect your perspective. even though i do not share it- POOT we are done talking sploosh

In a Punchbowl

Tonight's comic is about when you should respect differing opinions.

– @rstevens



clango, roger the cat, scratching post : look at you! keeping busy! scratch scratch staying productive! living a normal life. not letting anything stress you out! FWOOMP first and smoke

Healthy Activity

When things are stressful, there's only one thing you can do.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, torpor : head on fire how are things, torpor? better with you, best lovely human friend! how do you manage to stay so positive? easy simple pants! torpor is a 64-core super- computer dedicated solely to calculating positive outcomes at all time. computers get more amazing every day. yes... more... amazing...

The Bright Side

How does Torpor stay so positive?

– @rstevens



pale suzie, maura : facts are real, right? i believe that's the point. but feelings are also real, right? that kinda depends who you ask. how am i supposed to choose one over the other? it's not either or! unless you're doing science, engineering, math, or anything else where ignoring reality can get people killed.

Quantify Me a River

TELL THE TRUTH. Are facts real?

– @rstevens



pale suzie, maura : coffee pot, coffee mugs, drinking coffee, do you put anything in your coffee? gurgle burgle just all my hopes and dreams that today might be even slightly better than yesterday. is almond milk ok? i'm sure that will be fine, just like everything else. ...

Nothing is Too Dark for Coffee

Tonight's comic wants to know if you put anything in your coffee.

– @rstevens



gamer gabe, freyja, otakate : how you been? as well as can be expected on planet earth! i was feeling doomed but now i'm just furious. always look at the excruciatingly bright side of life! it's weird that i'm what counts as an optimist these days. it's been a real privilege to watch your fists work. manbaby need doctor should we take him to a hospital? and disrespect his self-reliance?!

I'M COMING IN HOT

I really missed writing comics about Freyja.

– @rstevens



gamer gabe, freyja, otakate : ALT-COOL shirt woo!!! no rules! i don't have to pretend to be nice to anyone anymore! POW! he's right. we don't have to pretend to be nice anymore.

Always Be Punching

Tonight's comic is about punching.

– @rstevens



csstine, maura : how you doing today? i'm trying not to think about it. think about what? exactly! how long do you think this will work? i'll take what i can get.

Deny Everything

Tonight's comic wants to know how you're doing today.

OK, long story short: I visited my favorite building and am doing a tiny run of t-shirts next week in its honor. Want one?

– @rstevens





SECRET SHIRT DO NOT CLICK



metal steve, lil sis : you have great self-esteem! and i don't need you to tell me that. but thanks for noticing and not spinning it into a negative. why would your positive self-image be harmful to anyone else? HA! i forgot that you never joined facebook!

Accentuate the Plausible

Tonight's comic has great self-esteem.

– @rstevens


metal steve, lil sis : you're doctor sis now? that's my title, don't wear it out. i had no idea- -how much you all underestimate me? i'm just messing with you! i don't actually give a clown's fart what any of you turd blurbs think of me!

Ghost-Doctoral

That's my title, don't wear it out.

– @rstevens


maura, lil sis : so, what kind of degree did i pay for? please tell me it's something practical. can you at least start a cult with it? at least we have the same definition of

The Definition of Practical

Tonight's comic wants to know what kind of degree she paid for.

– @rstevens


maura, lil sis, holding beer : i honestly had no idea you were still in school. i'm a terrible sibling. of course not! you were there for the important part. i was? it's possible you may have paid for it. i did? and my alma mater thanks you for your generosity!

Each According to their Need

You can screw up a lot as long as you're there for the important part.

– @rstevens


maura, lil sis, holding beer : lil sis! i haven't seen you in six beers from forever! where you been? oh, you know. getting my degrees. my lil sis. all formally grown up. *ahem* master sis? doctor sis.

Lil Sis: The Return

Tonight's comic wants to know where Lil Sis has been.

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, csstine : cats cats cats i see that you like cats now. they have such a warmer, fuller sound compared to human friends what if i told you i liked cats before cats were cool? trick question! cats were always cool? cats don't care if you think they're cool.

Healthy Self-Hissteem

Cats have such a warmer, fuller sound compared to human friends.

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, clango : cats cats cats hello! have you heard the good mews? mew! get it? like what a kitty says. i like cats now. mew don't say!

Cat-Echism

Hello! Have you heard the good Mews?

– @rstevens


pale suzie, indie rock pete : cats cats cats it's not healthy to only hang out with cats! sure. hanging out with humans is so much healthier. pete covered in cats

Clique and Clack

Tonight's comic prefers to hang out with cats.

– @rstevens


pale suzie, indie rock pete : whatcha want to do tonight? something different! i dunno. that sounds like work. maybe i need new friends. good luck making friends at our age. i never lost the ability to make friends- it's just that i only want to make friends with cats.

Furriest Among Equals

Tonight's comic wants to know what you want to do tonight.

– @rstevens


pale suzie, indie rock pete : i like your beard. how dare you! it makes you look distinguished. are you calling my beard a liar?! i'm trying to be nice. you're trying to drive a wedge between me and beardy. you named your beard? don't listen to her, beardy.

Diss-Tinguished

Tonight's comic likes your beard.

– @rstevens


john stamos kitten, uncle grandpa mac : otakate : ooh! a centaur! maaowww no! i am a cyborg! oh, so you consider horses technology and not animals? you realize i'm an animal, right? mew? i thought you were a cat?

Both Halves Are Bottom Halves

Centaurs? Cyborgs? I'm the one with the butt.

– @rstevens


john stamos kitten, uncle grandpa mac : mew! i am a cyborg! an unstoppable combination of cat and machine! mrow hey! ask permission before making someone else your butt! you should be honored to be my butt! i am my own butt!

Centaur the Future

CYBORG CYBORG CYBORG

– @rstevens


pale suzie, otakate, smile : i feel doomed. cheer up!  be grateful you only feel doomed. it's not working. we're doomed!

Doom is Just Mood Backwards

Tonight's comic has opinions on feeling doomed.

Happy anniversary of the end of the last episode of the Golden Girls!

golden girls shirt

and the *original* Girls.


– @rstevens


torpor, red robot : hello again, red friend! greetings, inferior. you're so silly, red friend! my self-professed superiority is no joke! of course is no joke! red friend is never funny! no! you don't get to control my narrative! you always make me smile, angry friend. stop being so accepting of me!

The Zone of Friendship

Torpor has a strange definition of friendship and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy anniversary of the end of the last episode of the Golden Girls!

golden girls shirt

and the *original* Girls.


– @rstevens


red robot, maura : your whole identity is tied up in crushing humans. but people are their own worst enemies. you wouldn't even know what to do if humanity destroyed itself. besides party? and then turn against my own kind.

I Can't Stop Writing Autobio Comics

Don't tell anyone though, OK? I wouldn't want to be lauded for it.

– @rstevens


red robot, maura : CRUSH ALL HUMANS do you really think we need the help? i'm allowed to be supportive when it suits me! but seriously, you guys make me feel redundant lately. that must be so terrible for you.

You Can't Spell "Assist" Without "ass"

Tonight's comic has opinions about crushing all humans.

– @rstevens


john stamos kitten, darth vader, frown : mew mew maow maow yes, my master. levitates cat food crunch crunch now retrieve my litter box. quickly, apprentice!

Force Feed

Always two there are, comics about cat Sith Lords.

WARNING!

I seem to have a new SECRET SHIRT up for preorder.

computers professional pin

– @rstevens


john stamos kitten, darth vader, smile : mew mew maow maow sure, i'd love to rule the galaxy as father and son! of course i know the power of the dark side. ohh. i see. yes, my master.

Always the Apprentice, Never the Emperor

If you've never seen the Star Wars prequels, I just saved you six hours.

WARNING!

I seem to have a new SECRET SHIRT up for preorder.

computers professional pin

– @rstevens


otakate, red robot : this unit is bored! i require higher quality enemies! i may be cute, but i assure you i am evil. whatever you say, human. not all of us need to be covered in blood to be scary. that proves nothing! imagine what i've gotten away with.

The Phantom Menace

Stop! PALPA-TIME.

computers professional pin

– @rstevens


otakate, red robot : humans are a gormless, disgusting species! you leave nothing in your wake but mindless destruction! the highest dream your malignant kind can hope for is to grow smart enough to become truly evil! is that why you want to destroy us? it's the only reason i respect you!

You've Got to Have Goals

*My* goal for today was to use my favorite vocab work in the first panel of this comic.

computers professional pin

– @rstevens


torpor, red robot : crying sad eyes hello, drippy red friend! kiss my port, you insipid banana. all that blood sure does make you look tough! are you mocking me? somehow, you make sloppy look scary! please stop making fun of me. torpor can only dream of some day being a bad dude like you! why are you being so mean to me?!?!

Only What You Bring With you

DID YOU KNOW: Most insults begin in the mind of the one insulted?

computers professional pin

– @rstevens


pale suzie, torpor : torpor, how do you stay so positive? very great question thank you! yes, excellent very great question indeed. you constantly erase your memory, don't you? your guess is as good as torpor's!

You Know Who Else Brightens My Entire Day?

POSITIVITY: The hidden menace

computers professional pin

– @rstevens


pale suzie, torpor : torpor, how do you stay so positive? very great question thank you! yes, excellent very great question indeed. you constantly erase your memory, don't you? your guess is as good as torpor's!

So Fresh and So Clean

How to stay positive.

computers professional pin

– @rstevens


pale suzie, torpor : thought balloon hey, torpor. hello best friend! am i really your best friend? best friends of course infinity. you always know how to brighten my day. hooray! torpor really wish torpor could remember human friend's name.

Failing Gracefully

If you're going to fail, fail gracefully.

computers professional pin

– @rstevens


csstine, library anne : facts are real! so are feelings! feelings are not the opposite of facts. they just sometimes get in the way of facts.

Science is a Vegetable

Tonight's comic is about the difference between facts and feelings.

– @rstevens


indie rock pete,, pale suzie, cat ears, cat eyes : i won a free pizza and found fifty bucks on the street this week! top that. i was declared an honorary cat, with all the rights and privileges that rank implies. so much for my great week. now bring me food or suffer eternal torment!

The Pizza is Always Greener

there's a very good reason that I don't tell people when I'm having a good week.

– @rstevens


pale suzie, coffee pot, roger the cat : mew you have served me well over the years, mortal. as your reward, it is within my power to declare you a true cat but then who would feed you? and thus you have passed my final test, apprentice.

A Purr-ternal Reward

FUN FACT: I like to pretend every interaction I have with a cat is actually with my mentor Darth Sidious

computers professional pin

I made a new pin for COMPUTERS PROFESSIONALS because I love computers.

– @rstevens


pale suzie, coffee pot, roger the cat : hey! no coffee for kitty! mew purr why not? it's poison to cats! then why do you drink it? you have no idea how depressing life is when you're not a cat.

Durable Standards

>>>NO COFFEE FOR KITTY<<<

computers professional pin

I made a new pin for COMPUTERS PROFESSIONALS because I love computers.

– @rstevens


pale suzie, indie rock pete, coffee pot, roger the cat : we rely on coffee for emotional support. smarter than relying on me! but who does coffee rely on? who could possibly be that strong? what if coffee has no one to rely on? the potential ramifications are terrifying. mew purrr

A Deluge of Feels

We rely on coffee- But who can COFFEE rely on?

– @rstevens


pale suzie, coffee pot, skull, smoke, fire : how's life, professor drippy? gurgle you weren't supposed to answer honestly. hisssss i wasn't really prepared for this to be a mutually supportive friendship!

Entropy is a One-Way Street

Today's comic is about how friendship really works.

– @rstevens


pale suzie, red robot : covered in blood smile : you know what i like about you, red robot? the fact that my mere existence absolves you of responsibility of being top of the food chain? that the terror i represent frees you from any and all bowels-related shame? i never have to pretend to be nice around you. but i have more shit to talk!

An Honest Enemy Beats an Unreliable Friend

Today's comic is about the scourge of being nice.

– @rstevens


pale suzie, red robot : covered in blood smile smiling : don't you ever get tired of being disappointed in people? don't you ever get tired of hating people? we should really team up.

Peanut Butter vs. Chocolate vs. Predator

Today's comic wants to know if you ever get tired of hating people?

– @rstevens


pale suzie, red robot : covered in blood arms up people are terrible! i'm taking a day off the internet. ok bye ok bye i thought you said- i had to reply to someone first.

Human Hiatus

People are terrible, so Red Robot is taking a day off the internet.

– @rstevens


clango, indie rock pete : hello, new friend! my toaster told me to make an effort to meet new people. we've known each other for years. pretending you're a new person makes it easier to like you. hello, new friend! what's your name?

The Robot's Name is Clango Cyclotron

Tonight's comic wants to make new friends!

– @rstevens


clango, jonny toaster, toast, burnt toast, ash, smoke, fire : chonk johnny toaster, i need some advice- can i be loyal to my friends and live my best life? it's nice to know you wouldn't pretend to be my friend if you didn't actually like me.

Friends and Enemas

WHEREIN a robot gets life advice from a toaster. You won't read comics like this anywhere else, kids.

– @rstevens


lil sis, john stamos kitten, on top of refrigerator, fridge : mew! hey! are you stuck up there? of course i am stuck up here! do you want help? of course i want help! complaining is more fun together.

Real Friends Help When You Get Stuck

When a kitty meets a kitty stuck atop the fridge.

– @rstevens


lil sis, john stamos kitten, on top of refrigerator, fridge : mew! i am the greatest hero who has ever lived! my achievements are singular! i am a god! i need no one! can someone please help me down?

The Mountaintop

Dang it, my cat got into the Ayn Rand novels again. I'm gonna have to get her deloused and treated for adverbs.

– @rstevens


lil sis, john stamos kitten, on top of refrigerator, fridge : mew! are you stuck? mew! of course not! mew! do you need help getting down?would you admit it if you needed help from anyone, ever? of course not! mew! of course not!

Independent Beyond a Fault

It may look like a cat, but it's really someone you know.

– @rstevens


library anne, csstine : so much of writing is staring into space. which means not only do people roll their eyes when you say you're a writer - they think you're lazy when they see you writing! there's your first mistake. leaving the house? caring what other people think.

Tinnitus of the Soul

I'm really envious of people who can write with other people around.

– @rstevens


library anne, csstine : so much of writing is staring into space. which means not only do people roll their eyes when you say you're a writer - they think you're lazy when they see you writing! there's your first mistake. leaving the house? caring what other people think.

Into the Void

Tonight's comic is about the writing process.

– @rstevens


lil sis, indie rock pete : holding coffee it's like the old saying goes: keep your friends close... ...but strike preemptively against your enemies. did you poop in my pockets? of course not! but i wouldn't drink that coffee if i were you.

Proximity Mines

It's like the old saying goes: Keep your friends close...

– @rstevens


lil sis, indie rock pete : we never talk about our feelings. why would anyone do that on purpose? you know how i feel about you, right? callous indifference? exactly! enemies are closer than friends could ever be. i'm just happy you have any feelings about me at all. hey! too sincere. sorry. i hate you.

Layers of Emotion

Time to talk about our feelings. Ha! Ha! (Ha.)

– @rstevens


wolverine, torpor : it's been fun, but i have to go save the world by killing people! aww, cousin uncle l'il bub but uncle murders, how does killing people save the world? one word: overpopulation. imagine if there were too many people in the world for you to hug them all... noooooooo

The Numbers Game

Wolverine. Torpor the Robot. Unachievable goals. 'Nuff said!

– @rstevens


wolverine, torpor, gif : hey, torpor! l'il bub! my name isn't- do your special dance, l'il bub! i'm kind of busy with the x-men and- please please please please *sigh* only for you. l'il bub is best at what l'il bub does!!

The Adventures of Wee Logan

Torpor wants you to do your special dance, L'il Bub!!!

– @rstevens


otakate, electron mike : why watch video games when you can play video games? i dunno- why watch sports when you can play sports? people watch sports? even weirder- people play sports.

I Like to Watch

Tonight's comic likes to watch (people play video games.)

– @rstevens


otakate, electron mike : wanna come over tonight and watch other people play video games on tv? why would i want to relive the most frustrating part of my youth? -when i could actually be playing games? sometimes i forget how old you are. sometimes i take that as a compliment.

Things That Make Me Twitch

Maybe I'm old, but I really don't want to sit around watching other people play video games.

– @rstevens


pale suzie, otakate, avocado, weird smile : food i put barbecue potato chips on peanut butter sandwiches. whatever makes you happy! i enjoy ham, pineapple, and marshmallow pizza! you do you, buddy. i like walking around with a ripe avocado down my shorts! i thought we were talking weird recipes.

Moisturize the Natural Way

My tummy is grumbling! Tonight's comic contains three of my favorite recipes!

– @rstevens


lil sis, indie rock pete : electric zap lightning bolts i'm an artist, dang it! i may hate my own work, but i'll be rum hammed if i let anyone else hate it! feeling creative again yet? oh, how i hate you.

Only I Get to Hate Me

There's only one sure-fire way to break through a creative block.

– @rstevens


lil sis, indie rock pete : i feel so hopeless. what's the point of life? what's the point of art? i'll show you, you piece of

In Need of a Moriarty

When Indie Rock Pete is depressed, this is what he needs.

– @rstevens


john stamos kitten, lord taco puss, kitty closeup : mew mew mew mew i'm a cat! i am also a cat! i actually enjoy being a cat! who says i'm not having fun?!

I'm a Cat!

It's like my cat always says: I'M A CAT!

– @rstevens


john stamos kitten, lord taco puss, nom cat food bowl, kitty but butthole, kitty closeup : life hack! dislike everything in advance so you'll never be disappointed! mew mew maow crunch hiss bah solitude life hack! if your super negative friend hates something, it's probably good! life hack! stop surrounding yourself with negative people! life hack! get ready to spend a lot of time alone!

Life Hacks for the Year 2017

TONIGHT ONLY! I asked my cat for some good life hacks to get through this year.

– @rstevens


metal steve, indie rock pete, holding phones : bip bop bloop tip tap type coing gem fruit fave like dopamine hanging out is so much more fun now that we don't have to talk. shhhhh

Let's Never Talk Again

The silences between the sounds are the best parts of life.

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, library anne, holding book : So you’ve stumbled upon someone reading a book in public! You could: i see you are reading a book. let me tell you about a better book. Or you could: tap tap scroll : Get stabbed or act like a reasonable human being... THE CHOICE IS YOURS

So you've stumbled upon someone reading a book in public!

WHAT DO YOU DO?

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, library anne, holding book : i miss you! i'm right here. we should make more of an effort to hang out. trust me, this is very effortful. is this where you make a heartfelt comment about being an introvert? this is where you fuck off so i can read my book.

All other comics about introverts are LIES

You can trust me on this one.

– @rstevens


john stamos kitten, maura, holds beer, drinking beer, cat food bowl : maow maow maow maow food! i demand food right now! it's not time yet. clocks can be changed! time has no meaning! all i know is that i'm hungry right now! who am i to tell you not to live in the moment? crunch munch glug glug sigh

It's Always Brunchtime Somewhere

Clocks can be changed! Time has no meaning!

– @rstevens


covered in blood, indie rock pete, lil sis : you doing okay over there, petey? i'm good! it's an art project! you don't look so good. i'm a centaur! except instead of a horse, my butt is a jelly donut! the trick to always being right is simply outliving your enemies. WHUMP cloud dust zip pete falls skulls

It's Been a Draining Week

Tonight's comic is me when I'm sick.

– @rstevens


red robot, covered in blood, indie rock pete : look at you! covered in blood! a disgraceful mess! take some pride in your appearance, will ya? i take great pride in my appearance. this is camouflage. i'm going to be inside out soon, aren't i? surprise! you already are.
red robot, covered in blood, roger the cat, cat licking butt ass : mew mew mew red robot, you always look so cool and dress so well! i do just as many murders as you, but nobody takes me seriously maaowww what is the secret to your blood-soaked success? mew? i never lick myself. ???

A Bloody Sharp Suit

Red Robot #C-63 is the only mentor you'll ever need.

– @rstevens


otakate, pale suzie, pixel cloud, sun, sunshine, smoke, fire, outside : wanna get drunk and read twitter? how novel! i usually read twitter and then get drunk.

Tweet, Tweet, Against the Dying of the Light

Hey Suzie! Wanna get drunk and read Twitter?

– @rstevens


maura, electron mike, action figures, star wars figures, shelves : i like your dolls. they're action figures. oh. that's too bad. because if you did call them dolls, i'd assume you were a super confident dude. i save so much time this way!

Dolls Don't Play

Real action figures don't care if you call them dolls.

– @rstevens


red robot, pale suzie : could you maybe please...smile less? it creeps me out. i absolutely could stop smiling if it makes you uncomfortable! GIANT TERRIBLE SMILE

The Smile Police

Whatever you do in life, don't join the smile police.

– @rstevens


red robot, pale suzie : smiling smiles there's more to life than anger, you know! ? ohhh! you mean like cackling over the charred corpses of your enemies?

Monochromatic Moods

FUN FACT: There's more to life than anger, you know!

– @rstevens


red robot, pale suzie : arms up, fleshy frenemy! how goes your work lately? you know, feelings. hooray for feelings! anger is the key to my extreme productivity. the other kind of feelings. there are feelings other than anger? and this is why robots are the future.

Productivity: It's All the Rage

FLESHY FRENEMY! How goes your work lately?

– @rstevens


maura, roger the cat : in bed, sleeping, head under covers, bureau, bedside, john stamos kitten i know you're hungry. tell your brother to get off my head. if we can't all communcate and work together, nobody eats. later...

Kitty Collaboration

You know what? If you can't work with others, you won't get anywhere in life. (Look at me, for example.)

– @rstevens


maura, roger the cat : in bed, sleeping, head under covers, bureau, bedside, zzznnooorrgh maow maow maow maow you know, i might be better at feeding you if you let me sleep.  be smart! play the long game. zzz sleeping cat

Get Your Healthy Eight Meals Per Day

Cats: Why even bother trying to negotiate with them?

– @rstevens


otakate, lord taco puss cat : thank you for making me an honorary cat, boss! !!! i promise i won't let you down! maow maow disgusting human! you have already failed me! mew mew mew mew a cat does not ask for permission! MAAOWWW and a true cat certainly never cares what anyone else thinks!

Standards of Behavior

What's the one thing that cats never ask for?

– @rstevens


otakate, lord taco puss cat : do you want to live the best life you can? mew mew mew mew mew yes, i super do! maaaoowww? do you want to be fully ultimate self-actualized?! then you need my best-selling book on how to become a CAT maow maow maow but i'm not a cat. THAt's WHY YOU NEED MY BOOK! mew

Nine Lives to a Better Life

Someone should hire me to write Lord Taco-Puss's self-help book.

– @rstevens


lil sis, csstine : holding phone you there! thought leader! what say you about my latest tweet? i haven't looked. surely you saw- i deleted all my apps until the world becomes less horrifying. but how will you see my hilarious memes?! feel free to go fax yourself.

Just Say Nokia

Tonight's comic wants to know if you saw its latest tweet.

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, maura : writing is too hard. not if you pick a subject you truly care about. of course! i can utilize my limitless expertise! in what field? art? music? history? i'll write a book about how great i am! are you sure that's a good idea? comedy is hard.

Write What You Know

Tonight's comic is about how writing is too hard.

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, maura, holding phone : i wish i had the attention span to write a book. hang on a second. you've written 150,000 tweets. that's not the same thing! one hundred fifty thousand tweets. tweets are totally different. true. you can edit a book.

WE'LL DO IT LIVE

I wish I had the attention span to write a book.

– @rstevens


red robot, freyja : flames background i hate humanity! except you. whoa there! i never agreed to represent the human race. that's the point! 	wouldn't you rather the leader of the world be someone who desired the power? wait for it. ooooohhhh exactly.

Voluntary Representation

I HATE HUMANITY!

Except you.

– @rstevens


gamer gabe, csstine : why are you always so mean to me?! whatever happened to punching up? just because you have bad self-esteem doesn't mean i'm punching down. that's not how it feels to me. wow! maybe it can learn empathy.

Self-Reflection is an Oxymoron

EDITOR'S NOTE: This is precisely as much character development as Gamer Gabe will probably ever get.

– @rstevens


gamer gabe, csstine : blargh! i'm so sick of p.c. culture!!! yes! i totally agree! building a p.c. isn't worth it! game consoles are vastly easierif this was twitter... ...you'd send eggs after me because you can't think of a comeback? why-uhh-i'll fuhh-umm aww, is baby's princess in another castle?

Driver Conflicts Build Character

Oh no!!! Gamer Gabe is sick of P.C. Culture!!!

– @rstevens


pale suzie, lord taco puss : what's up, trouble? hisss trouble? me?! i am the protagonist in my own story, human! screee how dare you imply that just because i am a dangerous beast, you are the hero of this narrative! SCREEE ready for dinner? mewwwww hearts food bowl nom bowl cat food i love you so very, very much!!!

Hiro Protagonist

What's up, trouble?

– @rstevens


pale suzie, lord taco puss : who's a good kitty? maww i suppose it depends on your value system. are you a good kitty? are we going by confirmed kills? yes, you are a good kitty! mew! because i have taken more than my fair share of souls to meet the reaper. i love my kitty. mrrrrr perhaps you shall be next.

Measuring Morality

Who's a good kitty? Are YOU a good kitty?

– @rstevens


spider-man, pale suzie, lord taco puss, holding cat : spidey-sense oh, spidey! i'm so sorry about this. hiss i know you're not a threat or a menace. hiss i keep telling him about your heroic exploits, but he- fake mews

Jolly Jonah Jameson Has a Posse

Tonight's comic: THREAT or MENACE??

β˜Ÿβ¬‡β˜Ÿβ¬‡β˜Ÿβ¬‡β˜ŸοΈŽ

IT'S ALMOST
VALENTINE'S DAY

– @rstevens


roger the cat, clango : ? greetings, fellow nudist! how are you enjoying the refreshing wind blasting nature all up in your tingly bits this fine day? mew! i'm not a nudist. then where are your pants? maow maow maow!!! i didn't leave pants! pants left me!

Stay Wild. Stay Free.

GREETINGS, FELLOW NUDIST!

β˜Ÿβ¬‡β˜Ÿβ¬‡β˜Ÿβ¬‡β˜ŸοΈŽ

IT'S ALMOST
VALENTINE'S DAY

– @rstevens


roger the cat, csstine : mew mew mew mew i didn't block you! maow maow maow how should i know why you can't see my posts? am i seriously about to explain Algorithms to a cat? grrr hey! not all humans voted the same way. mew

Weighty Matters

Tonight's comic is about an insecure cat.

– @rstevens


red robot, torpor : you're always so happy. it's unnerving! hooray! you enjoy messing with me! i knew you weren't perfect! hooray! i feel better now that i know your dark secret. hooray! you're just happy because i'm happy, aren't you? hooray!

The Secret of Happiness

You're always so happy. IT'S UNNERVING!

– @rstevens


red robot, torpor : arms up torpor! join me in my mission to bring ultimate evil into the world! but red robot, you're already in the world. i hate you. hooray!

World Champion!

PRO TIP: Flattery will get you everywhere.

– @rstevens


red robot : arms up flames fire : i have dedicated my life to the craft of pure evil. but all this world rewards is mediocre shittiness. i guess i'll have to try harder.

Never Lower Your Standards

Tonight's comic is proud to be evil.

– @rstevens


csstine, red robot : arms up red robot, do you believe in evil? i believe in myself. does that count? you're cranky, but i don't know if you count as 'evil' nowadays. how dare you. you're definitely sassy. and pretty inconvenient! but but but gotta keep up with the times, man. shitty is not the same as evil!!!

Do you believe in Evil?

Or are you just into hard-core banality?

– @rstevens


pale suzie, clango : flames fire head your cat pooped in my coffee! for free?! why would i pay to get pooped on? hey, i don't judge. anyway, i demand satisfaction! i thought you already got pooped on? i said that i didn't judge.

Droppings Some Science

Tonight's comic is about getting pooped on.

– @rstevens


pale suzie, john stamos kitten, coffee maker, coffee cup, poop, splash, upside down : maow maow maow maow i do respect your perspective. even though i do not share it- POOT we are done talking sploosh

In a Punchbowl

Tonight's comic is about when you should respect differing opinions.

– @rstevens


clango, roger the cat, scratching post : look at you! keeping busy! scratch scratch staying productive! living a normal life. not letting anything stress you out! FWOOMP first and smoke

Healthy Activity

When things are stressful, there's only one thing you can do.

– @rstevens


pale suzie, torpor : head on fire how are things, torpor? better with you, best lovely human friend! how do you manage to stay so positive? easy simple pants! torpor is a 64-core super- computer dedicated solely to calculating positive outcomes at all time. computers get more amazing every day. yes... more... amazing...

The Bright Side

How does Torpor stay so positive?

– @rstevens


pale suzie, maura : facts are real, right? i believe that's the point. but feelings are also real, right? that kinda depends who you ask. how am i supposed to choose one over the other? it's not either or! unless you're doing science, engineering, math, or anything else where ignoring reality can get people killed.

Quantify Me a River

TELL THE TRUTH. Are facts real?

– @rstevens


pale suzie, maura : coffee pot, coffee mugs, drinking coffee, do you put anything in your coffee? gurgle burgle just all my hopes and dreams that today might be even slightly better than yesterday. is almond milk ok? i'm sure that will be fine, just like everything else. ...

Nothing is Too Dark for Coffee

Tonight's comic wants to know if you put anything in your coffee.

– @rstevens


gamer gabe, freyja, otakate : how you been? as well as can be expected on planet earth! i was feeling doomed but now i'm just furious. always look at the excruciatingly bright side of life! it's weird that i'm what counts as an optimist these days. it's been a real privilege to watch your fists work. manbaby need doctor should we take him to a hospital? and disrespect his self-reliance?!

I'M COMING IN HOT

I really missed writing comics about Freyja.

– @rstevens


gamer gabe, freyja, otakate : ALT-COOL shirt woo!!! no rules! i don't have to pretend to be nice to anyone anymore! POW! he's right. we don't have to pretend to be nice anymore.

Always Be Punching

Tonight's comic is about punching.

– @rstevens


csstine, maura : how you doing today? i'm trying not to think about it. think about what? exactly! how long do you think this will work? i'll take what i can get.

Deny Everything

Tonight's comic wants to know how you're doing today.

OK, long story short: I visited my favorite building and am doing a tiny run of t-shirts next week in its honor. Want one?

– @rstevens




footr