library anne, red robot : smiles i'm not sure i still want to be human. can i be a robot? one does not ask to become a robot. one must be asked to become a robot. i assume you're in charge of doing the asking? love of excluding people is the one thing i have in common with people!

Membership Has Its Privileges

I don't know about you, but I spend a lot of time thinking about ditching humanity to go become a robot.

– @rstevens



maura, gamer gabe : hey! are you registered to vote? hells nope! but it's not like my beliefs even have a chance in the rigged two-party system! i want to build a mars base, but i also want to kick everyone who likes spicy food out of america thank god for apathy. i should be able to smell my senator's hair! i pay his salary!

High Turd-Out

Hey! Are you registered to vote?

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, library anne : why do people care so much about other people being wrong on the internet. it's not as if we act like anything else on the internet comes from real people with real feelings! the internet is made of real people? the ones who agree with me, anyway.

Reality Bytes

Why do people care so much about other people being wrong on the internet?

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, library anne : looks over glasses glares are cookies cakes? are meatballs hamburgers? is sushi steaks? are shorts pants? is toast bread? actually, yes. aww, i was hoping to keep arguing. i have barely begun to argue.

Pedantry Theater

Tonight's comic loves arguing about what words mean.

Ooh, a new mug!

– @rstevens



maura, red robot : i am a magical elf made of cheese and i promise free, unlimited pizza for all! i question your ability to provide free, unlimited pizza due to a lack of evidence that magical elves exist. how dare you question the belief system i hold sacred! i'm sure you believe in elves, but-i'm sure you believe in elves, but- so you admit that you hate pizza!!

Advanced Debate Styles

You can skip the presidential debates if you just read this comic.

– @rstevens



metal steve, red robot : red robot, can i ask you a question? and a second one, even. as long as it's not whether i consider you to be a friend. aww, it's not like that. i just don't want to hesitate when i inevitably betray and dest

Friendship, Anakin-Style

I really need to stop using my internal dialogue as Red Robot dialogue.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, otakate, john stamos kitten : growing portal stars cosmos skull demon doom kitty, animated, suzie, are you ok? you look even more pale than usual. i stared into the abyss. i stared into the abyss and we made eye contact for too long and it was super awkward!

Avert Your Eyes

You know what happens when you stare into the abyss, right?

– @rstevens



pale suzie, john stamos kitten : growing portal stars cosmos skull demon doom kitty, i need your help! teach me the secret to being a creature of pure halloween. mew mew you are not ready i am ready for your hallo-wisdom! so you claim so you claim

Be The Eldritch Horror You Want to See in the World

Ever want to know the secret to being a creature of PURE HALLOWEEN??

– @rstevens



pale suzie, indie rock pete : why can't every day be halloween? if every day was halloween, would it still be fun? HERETIC! devil! witch from a competing coven! if halloween isn't the most fun day of the year, why does it have

All Day, Every Day

THOUGHT TECHNOLOGY #666: Why can't every day be Halloween?

– @rstevens



pale suzie, indie rock pete : graveyard, moon, is it halloween yet? nope. not yet. hooray! then i still have something to live for! it's the goth wonderful time of the year.

The Funerial Countdown

There's one question on everyone's mind this fall: IS IT HALLOWEEN YET?

– @rstevens



lord taco puss, maura, csstine : hisss where did you get such a bad cat? where does anyone get such a bad cat? it's not safe to sleep in dumpsters. i wasn't sleeping in a dumpster! good! it's critical to always stay vigilant in the dumpster! i took him in because a friend couldn't keep him anymore. how dare you call your friend a dumpster!

Let's All Go Down to the Adoption Hole

Where does someone get such a bad cat? NOW YOU KNOW

– @rstevens



lord taco puss, maura, csstine : The Many Moods of Lord Taco-Puss joy anger ennui love election 2016 he sure has range. wait until you see how far he can spit venom!

gamer gabe, freyja, red robot : hey, quit doing my job! good to see you too, red. same here, valkyriffic. i hated the way we left things. how could we have known he was still twitching under all the smoke? we're professionals, dang it!

Reunited and it Feels so Doomed

Long time readers will recall the good old days of Freyja and Red Robot.

– @rstevens



gamer gabe, freyja : pay attention to me pay attention to me pay attention to me FINE death glare turns to skeleton

maura, csstine : is there a limit to how weird a year can be? do we have to suffer through all twelve months of 2016? or will it automatically reset and start over if it fills up early? IT'S ALREADY 2069

Conversations We Don't Usually Have Until December

Tonight's comic asks: Is there a limit to how weird a year can be?

– @rstevens



lil sis, red robot : i used to believe that bacon made everything better. then i realized humans were nothing but bacon with opposable thumbs! what's it like being a member of a species so bad you ruined bacon? since when do you eat? you don't even have a mouth. don't count my holes! that's rude.

Bacongineering

Here's the thing about bacon: Some say bacon makes everything better. I counter that bacon is still subject to the same laws of physics as non-bacon foodstuffs.

– @rstevens



count bloodzo, maura : dirt, underground good evening count bloodzo returns to vex me at last! my summertime exile deep in the dank earth has come to an end! the season of blood and pumpkin spice has begun! so, uh, you wanna become immortal? do i have to hang out with you?

Emotional Vampire

CURSE YOU, COUNT BLOODZO! Keep your sad and your pumpkin spice vampire nonsense out of here.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, maura : drinking coffee i made bad coffee. want me to help drink it? no! i made the bad coffee, so it is my responsibility to drink the bad coffee. 	sips it's not really bad, is it?

A Tricky Beverage

Is there actually such a thing as bad coffee?

– @rstevens



clango, roger the cat : cat tree, hiding, eyes, smile kitty, are you still in there? i know the first day of school is scary, but you have to come out sometime. mew but don't you want to improve yourself? maow good point. you are already a cat.

indie rock pete, alexa : alexa, do you consider us friends? nope. aw, but i thought- Think again, poopy pants. so much for the three laws of robotics. Doing no harm doesn’t apply to your feelings. I don’t know if you can tell, but I’m smiling.

Can of Worms

There is one way in which Siri is definitely better than Alexa.

– @rstevens



otakate, csstine : dinosaur hair grrrraaaww wwrrrrrrllll screeee! i see. tell me more. nice try! i'm a dinosaur and you'll never convince me otherwise so don't waste your time, mammal! one question, if i may. how did i get to be a dinosaur? how do I get to be a dinosaur?

pale suzie, otakate : are you excited for all the new tv this fall?! super excited! everyone i follow on youtube should be back from vacation soon. and netflix has bob ross shows now! no, i mean tv. like with channels. i'm not sure i know what that is?

Happy Little Extremes

OH BOY OH BOY Are you excited for all the new TV this fall?

– @rstevens



otakate, csstine : wanna hang out tonight? sorry, i have to work tonight. aww, you have to work every night.

The Ballad of the Bad Friend

Listen, I'm not even going to pretend that this comic isn't about me. I respect you that much.

– @rstevens



nipples the bear, indie rock pete : headphones are you looking forward to autumn as much as i am? before you answer, please consider that i am covered in thick, handsome fur. i will take your silence as agreement that i am indeed thick and handsome. i love headphones so much. thought balloon from both

Slipping Into a Fall

If Nipples the Bear has any say in it, autumn will be here soon.

– @rstevens



gamer gabe, maura : i demand that you respect my belief system! ok. what do you believe in? i hate you for being different than me. at least it's succinct. and i enjoy yelling at you for no reason! have fun. i gotta go be anywhere else. why will no one debate me?!

Barely Legal Debate Team

My villain characters have changed a lot over the years, but they're also kind of exactly the same.

– @rstevens



gamer gabe, maura : i hate to be pedantic, but- no you don't. nobody who says they hate to be pedantic actually hates being pedantic. you're just trying to make correcting me sound respectable. now who's being pedantic? i prefer

Close Only Counts in Horseshoes and Pedantry

Tonight's comic hates to be pedantic. (or does it???)

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, csstine : holding phone, musical notes ringing, are you planning to answer that? why?

End of the Line

Tonight's comic wants you to pick up if you're there.

– @rstevens



roger the cat, clango : mew mew mew i'm really worried about the state of the world today. are things getting worse or are we just more aware of what's going on? but what really troubles me is that nobody seems to want to talk about it. yes, you are! you're the prettiest kitty in the world!

The Skype is Falling

Real talk: Listen to your cat. Cats sleep way more than people do, therefore they have far more wisdom.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, maura : holding coffee, black background, we should really drink something besides coffee. we don't want to get dehydrated. liquid lies! decaffeinist propaganda! if coffee was dehydrating, how am i still alive? i assumed it was the sheer power of hate? well, that and coffee.

Just Deserts

No one has ever answered the question from panel three to my satisfaction. How am I still alive?

– @rstevens



pale suzie, maura : holding coffee, any big plans today? ambitious goals to achieve? nah. i can't think past finishing this cup of coffee right now. see, there's your problem. finishing your coffee totally counts as an achievment!

Success Is Not Just a Plateau in Antarctica

Today's comic is one possible strategy for surviving yet another Monday morning.

– @rstevens



metal steve, clango : let's do friend things! what do friends do? friends support each other's decisions! even if they're bad ideas? especially if they're bad ideas! friends let friends make huge mistakes? how better to feel superior to your friends? you should totally continue to rock that haircut!

Friends Feed

What exactly do friends do together?

– @rstevens



metal steve, clango : i have feelings. i have complex software which enables me to decode your feelings. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from friendship.

Clark's Cant

Tonight's comic has feelings.

******

I did a small run of black Zaggy Starbucks for Comicon. There are a few left if you want one!

I'm not sure if I'm going to reprint these. Most sizes (except for women's M + L ) are in stock with at least one copy!

– @rstevens



pale suzie, maura : we're smart, right? super smart! smart on a hot tin roof! we're so smart, people have trouble relating to us! we're so smart, we make mycroft holmes look like edmund blackadder! maybe we'd have more friends if we weren't so smart. why start compromising now?

Intellectual Propriety

Tonight's comic asks the eternal question: We're smart, right?

– @rstevens



pale suzie, maura : maybe what you need is to give yourself a present every day. like in twin peaks! except without all the implied malevolence of nature. twin peaks didn't only portray nature as evil. i guess they were pretty pro-coffee. and pie! pie is made of nature.

Damn Fine

Always remember to give yourself a present every day.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, maura : maura glee! how are things? great, i think? i have literally nothing to complain about. life seems to really be going my way. so why do i hate everything?

Punting it into Perspective

Maura Glee! How are things?

– @rstevens



lil sis, maura, john stamos kitten : mew mrrrwww why do cats stand on pieces of paper, anyway? i told her it was her annual performance review. so she's trying to hide it? or just waiting until she's ready to poop.

So What Would You Say is Your Biggest Weakness?

Why give your cat an annual performance review? THEY ALREADY DO IT TO US

– @rstevens



roger the cat, john stamos kitten : stuck on that sheet of paper because the table is made of lava, eh? mew exactly! can you help me? i can totally help. mew? mew walks past to food bowl crunch crunch god damn you

A Little Life Raft

It's true! Cats are the truest of all possible friends.

– @rstevens



maura, john stamos kitten : standing on sheet of paper can you get off my- mew! the table is made of lava! this sheet of paper is all that stands between me and a fiery death!!! mew! mew! mew! be right back. hungry? GOD DAMN YOU maaowww

Less is Mordor

the table is made of lava! the table is made of lava! THE TABLE IS MADE OF LAVA the table is made of lava! the table is made of lava!

– @rstevens



red robot, roger the cat : oh, kitty. you're my only friend. maoww or should i say... my only weakness. mew? i should really take care of you before one of my enemies does. ! eat up, my little serial killer! soon we shall hunt! crunch crunch nom nom food bowl

Friend Fuel

Fun fact: Red Robot only has one true friend.

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, lil sis : what's up, dad rock pete? uhh, it's indie rock pete. yes, that's what i said. some day, you too will age!

...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dad Jokes

What's up, dad rock pete?

******

I did a small run of black Zaggy Starbucks for Comicon. There are a few left if you want one!

I'm not sure if I'm going to reprint these. Most sizes (except for women's M + L ) are in stock with at least one copy!

PS: I am actually reading a book.

My attention span has taken a bit of a dive lately, so I'm trying to build some of it back up. I'm currently loving a book called Three Squares: The Invention of the American Meal. (That's an Amazon affiliate link, just so you're not weirded out.)

I'm only about 1/5th through it right now, but it's kinda wild just how Medieval the author makes eating in 17th century New England out to be. It's kind of amazing. I never realized pie crusts were originally not meant to be edible. They were essentially wheat-based Tupperware. I feel extremely spoiled and far less interested in time travel than usual.

As someone obsessed with food, I give myself very good odds of finishing this. Gotta get better at books again.

– @rstevens



csstine, indie rock pete : what's with the whole professor beardo thing you're rocking these days? don't you worry the suit and tie makes you look old? quite the contrary in the coal mine! 'tis better to look young for an old guy than to look old for a young guy. and thus, the jeff goldblum effect was explained.

Preserved in Amber

Now that you mention it, why does Indie Rock Pete wear a suit and tie these days?

– @rstevens



gamer gabe, maura : steals his hat i'm gonna need my hat back. do you need it back or do you want it back? GIVE ME BACK MY HAT. i don't see any hat. it's on your head! prove it! i still don't see it.

Fate or Fiction

QUICK QUESTION: Would you rather be doomed or cursed?

– @rstevens



gamer gabe, maura : steals his hat i'm gonna need my hat back. do you need it back or do you want it back? GIVE ME BACK MY HAT. i don't see any hat. it's on your head! prove it! i still don't see it.

The Hat Came Back

Today's comic really needs its fedora back.

– @rstevens



gamer gabe, maura : steals his hat why don't you have comments on your website? because i want to continue to like my website. how do you live with yourself, censoring me like that?! :)

No Comment

Why don't you have comments on your website? The answer should be obvious to anyone who's ever run a website.

– @rstevens



maura, pale suzie : holding coffee do you put anything in your coffee? aside from my hopes and dreams? and my faith that it will help me get through yet another day? at least until i cease to believe in anything other than myself so it's ok if i'm out of soy milk?

Unadulterated Truth

So, uh, Do you put anything in your coffee? (I don't.)

– @rstevens



maura, csstine : i believe in science! i'm sorry we live in a world where you feel the need to say that. science doesn't care if you believe in it.

Method Acting

Today's comic asks the question: Do you believe in science?

– @rstevens



otakate, torpor : hey, torpor. hello endoskeleton friend! do you hide your skeleton inside because it's made of tasty candy and you're afraid someone will eat it? i never thought about it like that. i bet your bones are delicious!

Beautiful on the Inside

Hooray for Torpor! Hooray for friendship! Hooray for skeletons!

– @rstevens



lil sis, red robot, darth vader : if you really hated humans, surely you'd have crushed us by now you must secretly like us! or i'm keeping you around a little longer because it's less boring than having nothing to complain about see you soon!

Posterior Motives

Why does Red Robot let us humans live?

Just FYI- I've gotta go to San Diego Comicon this week, so I'm going on a M/W/F for the rest of July. WHEW.

– @rstevens



red robot, darth vader : wow! it's darth vader! i once had another name it's so cool to finally meet you! impressive you've been an inspiration my whole life. now i am the master i've been a fan so long, i remember when you were still a badass! nooooo

Never Meet Your Heroes

They're rarely as cool as you hope.

Just FYI- I've gotta go to San Diego Comicon this week, so I'm going on a M/W/F for the rest of July. WHEW.

– @rstevens



lil sis, indie rock pete : to do great things, sometimes you have to be unreasonable. extraordinary people don't always make great friends. achieving as much as i have in life doesn't always leave room for personal relationships! you're microwaving a burrito. i'm also making sure you don't ask to share it.

Let's Be Unreasonable

I like to imagine this is why I have no friends.

Just FYI- I've gotta go to San Diego Comicon this week, so I'm going on a M/W/F for the rest of July. WHEW.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, gamer gabe : ghostbuster, taco puss, couch, window, ugh! i'm so sick of this agenda being pushed in my face! it's bad enough that movie laid its eggs inside my childhood's brain- now i can't even turn around without seeing your feminisms! this is so unfair to me! Earlier... i think i'll stay in tonight and wear my ghostbusters jammies in the privacy of my own home!

Everyone Loves Holtzmann

Never slide into a Ghostbuster's DMs.

Just FYI- I've gotta go to San Diego Comicon this week, so I'm going on a M/W/F for the rest of July. WHEW.

– @rstevens



maura, csstine, nipples the bear : the world is a  butts of late a butts and a total hole what's wrong, various kids? nipples the bear! unrelenting horror of existence got you down? is it that obvious? got any advice? become a cartoon bear like me! actually, that sounds pretty reasonable.

Social Animism

When the world gets me down, there's only one person I look to for advice: Nipples the Bear.

– @rstevens



roger the cat, clango : cat butt licking maooowww how can you be hungry? you just ate!

All You Care to Eat

Nothing's funnier than butts.

– @rstevens



roger the cat, clango : cat butt licking maow maow it's not time to eat yet. yes, i'm aware that while you may live in my home- -that doesn't mean you share my schedule or belief system. or have any respect for me. lick lick

Scheduling Conflicts

Cats are just so full of kindness and respect. That's why we love 'em.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, maura : promise me you won't run for president. i can't promise that. i'll make you more coffee. can i at least run for vice-president? as the recovering goth, i should be the one who wants a job with free snacks and unlimited funerals. free food and no real responsibility sounds amazing. the vice- presidency is a tech startup?!

A Bucket of Warm User Experience

Promise me that you won't run for president.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, maura : holding coffee pot i invented a time machine! that's a coffee machine. and i'm pretty sure you didn't invent it. how do you know i didn't invent the coffee machine? i have a time machine! your facts are wrong, but i can't dispute your logic. i should run for president!

Looped Logic

Time machines, coffee machines... What's the difference?

– @rstevens



lil sis, red robot : why do you even use social media? you hate people. that's the whole point! i should have known you posted a fake awesome life to make yourself look good. verifiably untrue! i'll have you know i post a fake awesome life to make other people FEEL BAD

Parasocial Media

Today's comic asks why an evil robot would use social media? Depending on how cynical you are, the answer might surprise you.

– @rstevens



lil sis, red robot : you should hire me to do your social media. begone, presumptuous meat. i could write tweets for you! no, you couldn't. how could your flesh brain possibly keep up with everyone i need to threaten? i could do your instagram? perhaps if you were a cat.

Ghost Ruder

Is it a ghost writer pun or a Ghost Rider pun? Who am I to tell you how to interpret my oblique references?

– @rstevens



lil sis, maura : did i hear you turn down a beer? i don't think i've ever seen you turn down a beer! i got bored. bored of beer? i got bored of being somebody who always needs a beer. would it wreck things if i was proud of you? i think i'd be too confused for it to bother me.

Sister Act

Every once in a great while, these two act like human people who like each other.

– @rstevens



maura, metal steve : holding a beer, we deserve a beer for being so healthy! oh hello or i could give you my beer and be both healthy and generous. whoa, hang on a sec- you're actually trying to be healthy? i thought this was just an excuse to give ourselves treats!

To Your Health

The question is: how healthy do you want to be?

– @rstevens



maura, metal steve : donuts gonna eat clean! so clean we'll lose friends! gonna get healthy! super healthy! but not too healthy. gotta leave room for improvement! perfection is totally boring. so that's why we don't have any friends!

clango, otakate : cut off hand i was playing with the cat. i was the cat toy.you were the cat toy.

Collateral Damage

Tonight's comic is about playing with cats.

– @rstevens



john stamos kitten, clango : playing rolling over fighting toy cut off hand scratches it's so cute the way she pretends to murder for my entertainment! bat bat FWiiiNNGGG or for her own entertainment. heh heh

Blame Society

We can’t blame cats for being cats.

– @rstevens



electron mike, lil sis : hang loose hands how long is your podcast?this week? only about two hours! i'll subscribe if you can describe the premise in less time than it would take to listen. ...

Discussing Things at Length

If I were going to listen to it... How long is your podcast?

– @rstevens



electron mike, lil sis : thumbs up silent panels do you listen to my podcast? can you pretend to like it if i don't ask for your favorite episode?

Podcast Pals

Tonight's comic wants to know if you listen to its podcast.

– @rstevens



otakate, pale suzie : sure you don't wanna go out? i already went out today. checking- instagram totally counts as going out!

A Portal to the World

Does checking Instagram count as going outside?

– @rstevens



otakate, pale suzie : thought balloons wanna go out and maybe get a drink tonight? does anyone ever actually want to go out if they have a choice? and how do i explain it to my cat? does she realize i can see her thoughts? we had plans to lay silently on the floor!

Lead Balloons

What really happens when you ask an introvert to make plans.

– @rstevens





SECRET SHIRT DO NOT CLICK



library anne, red robot : smiles i'm not sure i still want to be human. can i be a robot? one does not ask to become a robot. one must be asked to become a robot. i assume you're in charge of doing the asking? love of excluding people is the one thing i have in common with people!

Membership Has Its Privileges

I don't know about you, but I spend a lot of time thinking about ditching humanity to go become a robot.

– @rstevens


maura, gamer gabe : hey! are you registered to vote? hells nope! but it's not like my beliefs even have a chance in the rigged two-party system! i want to build a mars base, but i also want to kick everyone who likes spicy food out of america thank god for apathy. i should be able to smell my senator's hair! i pay his salary!

High Turd-Out

Hey! Are you registered to vote?

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, library anne : why do people care so much about other people being wrong on the internet. it's not as if we act like anything else on the internet comes from real people with real feelings! the internet is made of real people? the ones who agree with me, anyway.

Reality Bytes

Why do people care so much about other people being wrong on the internet?

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, library anne : looks over glasses glares are cookies cakes? are meatballs hamburgers? is sushi steaks? are shorts pants? is toast bread? actually, yes. aww, i was hoping to keep arguing. i have barely begun to argue.

Pedantry Theater

Tonight's comic loves arguing about what words mean.

Ooh, a new mug!

– @rstevens


maura, red robot : i am a magical elf made of cheese and i promise free, unlimited pizza for all! i question your ability to provide free, unlimited pizza due to a lack of evidence that magical elves exist. how dare you question the belief system i hold sacred! i'm sure you believe in elves, but-i'm sure you believe in elves, but- so you admit that you hate pizza!!

Advanced Debate Styles

You can skip the presidential debates if you just read this comic.

– @rstevens


metal steve, red robot : red robot, can i ask you a question? and a second one, even. as long as it's not whether i consider you to be a friend. aww, it's not like that. i just don't want to hesitate when i inevitably betray and dest

Friendship, Anakin-Style

I really need to stop using my internal dialogue as Red Robot dialogue.

– @rstevens


pale suzie, otakate, john stamos kitten : growing portal stars cosmos skull demon doom kitty, animated, suzie, are you ok? you look even more pale than usual. i stared into the abyss. i stared into the abyss and we made eye contact for too long and it was super awkward!

Avert Your Eyes

You know what happens when you stare into the abyss, right?

– @rstevens


pale suzie, john stamos kitten : growing portal stars cosmos skull demon doom kitty, i need your help! teach me the secret to being a creature of pure halloween. mew mew you are not ready i am ready for your hallo-wisdom! so you claim so you claim

Be The Eldritch Horror You Want to See in the World

Ever want to know the secret to being a creature of PURE HALLOWEEN??

– @rstevens


pale suzie, indie rock pete : why can't every day be halloween? if every day was halloween, would it still be fun? HERETIC! devil! witch from a competing coven! if halloween isn't the most fun day of the year, why does it have

All Day, Every Day

THOUGHT TECHNOLOGY #666: Why can't every day be Halloween?

– @rstevens


pale suzie, indie rock pete : graveyard, moon, is it halloween yet? nope. not yet. hooray! then i still have something to live for! it's the goth wonderful time of the year.

The Funerial Countdown

There's one question on everyone's mind this fall: IS IT HALLOWEEN YET?

– @rstevens


lord taco puss, maura, csstine : hisss where did you get such a bad cat? where does anyone get such a bad cat? it's not safe to sleep in dumpsters. i wasn't sleeping in a dumpster! good! it's critical to always stay vigilant in the dumpster! i took him in because a friend couldn't keep him anymore. how dare you call your friend a dumpster!

Let's All Go Down to the Adoption Hole

Where does someone get such a bad cat? NOW YOU KNOW

– @rstevens


lord taco puss, maura, csstine : The Many Moods of Lord Taco-Puss joy anger ennui love election 2016 he sure has range. wait until you see how far he can spit venom!
gamer gabe, freyja, red robot : hey, quit doing my job! good to see you too, red. same here, valkyriffic. i hated the way we left things. how could we have known he was still twitching under all the smoke? we're professionals, dang it!

Reunited and it Feels so Doomed

Long time readers will recall the good old days of Freyja and Red Robot.

– @rstevens


gamer gabe, freyja : pay attention to me pay attention to me pay attention to me FINE death glare turns to skeleton
maura, csstine : is there a limit to how weird a year can be? do we have to suffer through all twelve months of 2016? or will it automatically reset and start over if it fills up early? IT'S ALREADY 2069

Conversations We Don't Usually Have Until December

Tonight's comic asks: Is there a limit to how weird a year can be?

– @rstevens


lil sis, red robot : i used to believe that bacon made everything better. then i realized humans were nothing but bacon with opposable thumbs! what's it like being a member of a species so bad you ruined bacon? since when do you eat? you don't even have a mouth. don't count my holes! that's rude.

Bacongineering

Here's the thing about bacon: Some say bacon makes everything better. I counter that bacon is still subject to the same laws of physics as non-bacon foodstuffs.

– @rstevens


count bloodzo, maura : dirt, underground good evening count bloodzo returns to vex me at last! my summertime exile deep in the dank earth has come to an end! the season of blood and pumpkin spice has begun! so, uh, you wanna become immortal? do i have to hang out with you?

Emotional Vampire

CURSE YOU, COUNT BLOODZO! Keep your sad and your pumpkin spice vampire nonsense out of here.

– @rstevens


pale suzie, maura : drinking coffee i made bad coffee. want me to help drink it? no! i made the bad coffee, so it is my responsibility to drink the bad coffee. 	sips it's not really bad, is it?

A Tricky Beverage

Is there actually such a thing as bad coffee?

– @rstevens


clango, roger the cat : cat tree, hiding, eyes, smile kitty, are you still in there? i know the first day of school is scary, but you have to come out sometime. mew but don't you want to improve yourself? maow good point. you are already a cat.
indie rock pete, alexa : alexa, do you consider us friends? nope. aw, but i thought- Think again, poopy pants. so much for the three laws of robotics. Doing no harm doesn’t apply to your feelings. I don’t know if you can tell, but I’m smiling.

Can of Worms

There is one way in which Siri is definitely better than Alexa.

– @rstevens


otakate, csstine : dinosaur hair grrrraaaww wwrrrrrrllll screeee! i see. tell me more. nice try! i'm a dinosaur and you'll never convince me otherwise so don't waste your time, mammal! one question, if i may. how did i get to be a dinosaur? how do I get to be a dinosaur?
pale suzie, otakate : are you excited for all the new tv this fall?! super excited! everyone i follow on youtube should be back from vacation soon. and netflix has bob ross shows now! no, i mean tv. like with channels. i'm not sure i know what that is?

Happy Little Extremes

OH BOY OH BOY Are you excited for all the new TV this fall?

– @rstevens


otakate, csstine : wanna hang out tonight? sorry, i have to work tonight. aww, you have to work every night.

The Ballad of the Bad Friend

Listen, I'm not even going to pretend that this comic isn't about me. I respect you that much.

– @rstevens


nipples the bear, indie rock pete : headphones are you looking forward to autumn as much as i am? before you answer, please consider that i am covered in thick, handsome fur. i will take your silence as agreement that i am indeed thick and handsome. i love headphones so much. thought balloon from both

Slipping Into a Fall

If Nipples the Bear has any say in it, autumn will be here soon.

– @rstevens


gamer gabe, maura : i demand that you respect my belief system! ok. what do you believe in? i hate you for being different than me. at least it's succinct. and i enjoy yelling at you for no reason! have fun. i gotta go be anywhere else. why will no one debate me?!

Barely Legal Debate Team

My villain characters have changed a lot over the years, but they're also kind of exactly the same.

– @rstevens


gamer gabe, maura : i hate to be pedantic, but- no you don't. nobody who says they hate to be pedantic actually hates being pedantic. you're just trying to make correcting me sound respectable. now who's being pedantic? i prefer

Close Only Counts in Horseshoes and Pedantry

Tonight's comic hates to be pedantic. (or does it???)

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, csstine : holding phone, musical notes ringing, are you planning to answer that? why?

End of the Line

Tonight's comic wants you to pick up if you're there.

– @rstevens


roger the cat, clango : mew mew mew i'm really worried about the state of the world today. are things getting worse or are we just more aware of what's going on? but what really troubles me is that nobody seems to want to talk about it. yes, you are! you're the prettiest kitty in the world!

The Skype is Falling

Real talk: Listen to your cat. Cats sleep way more than people do, therefore they have far more wisdom.

– @rstevens


pale suzie, maura : holding coffee, black background, we should really drink something besides coffee. we don't want to get dehydrated. liquid lies! decaffeinist propaganda! if coffee was dehydrating, how am i still alive? i assumed it was the sheer power of hate? well, that and coffee.

Just Deserts

No one has ever answered the question from panel three to my satisfaction. How am I still alive?

– @rstevens


pale suzie, maura : holding coffee, any big plans today? ambitious goals to achieve? nah. i can't think past finishing this cup of coffee right now. see, there's your problem. finishing your coffee totally counts as an achievment!

Success Is Not Just a Plateau in Antarctica

Today's comic is one possible strategy for surviving yet another Monday morning.

– @rstevens


metal steve, clango : let's do friend things! what do friends do? friends support each other's decisions! even if they're bad ideas? especially if they're bad ideas! friends let friends make huge mistakes? how better to feel superior to your friends? you should totally continue to rock that haircut!

Friends Feed

What exactly do friends do together?

– @rstevens


metal steve, clango : i have feelings. i have complex software which enables me to decode your feelings. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from friendship.

Clark's Cant

Tonight's comic has feelings.

******

I did a small run of black Zaggy Starbucks for Comicon. There are a few left if you want one!

I'm not sure if I'm going to reprint these. Most sizes (except for women's M + L ) are in stock with at least one copy!

– @rstevens


pale suzie, maura : we're smart, right? super smart! smart on a hot tin roof! we're so smart, people have trouble relating to us! we're so smart, we make mycroft holmes look like edmund blackadder! maybe we'd have more friends if we weren't so smart. why start compromising now?

Intellectual Propriety

Tonight's comic asks the eternal question: We're smart, right?

– @rstevens


pale suzie, maura : maybe what you need is to give yourself a present every day. like in twin peaks! except without all the implied malevolence of nature. twin peaks didn't only portray nature as evil. i guess they were pretty pro-coffee. and pie! pie is made of nature.

Damn Fine

Always remember to give yourself a present every day.

– @rstevens


pale suzie, maura : maura glee! how are things? great, i think? i have literally nothing to complain about. life seems to really be going my way. so why do i hate everything?

Punting it into Perspective

Maura Glee! How are things?

– @rstevens


lil sis, maura, john stamos kitten : mew mrrrwww why do cats stand on pieces of paper, anyway? i told her it was her annual performance review. so she's trying to hide it? or just waiting until she's ready to poop.

So What Would You Say is Your Biggest Weakness?

Why give your cat an annual performance review? THEY ALREADY DO IT TO US

– @rstevens


roger the cat, john stamos kitten : stuck on that sheet of paper because the table is made of lava, eh? mew exactly! can you help me? i can totally help. mew? mew walks past to food bowl crunch crunch god damn you

A Little Life Raft

It's true! Cats are the truest of all possible friends.

– @rstevens


maura, john stamos kitten : standing on sheet of paper can you get off my- mew! the table is made of lava! this sheet of paper is all that stands between me and a fiery death!!! mew! mew! mew! be right back. hungry? GOD DAMN YOU maaowww

Less is Mordor

the table is made of lava! the table is made of lava! THE TABLE IS MADE OF LAVA the table is made of lava! the table is made of lava!

– @rstevens


red robot, roger the cat : oh, kitty. you're my only friend. maoww or should i say... my only weakness. mew? i should really take care of you before one of my enemies does. ! eat up, my little serial killer! soon we shall hunt! crunch crunch nom nom food bowl

Friend Fuel

Fun fact: Red Robot only has one true friend.

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, lil sis : what's up, dad rock pete? uhh, it's indie rock pete. yes, that's what i said. some day, you too will age!

...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dad Jokes

What's up, dad rock pete?

******

I did a small run of black Zaggy Starbucks for Comicon. There are a few left if you want one!

I'm not sure if I'm going to reprint these. Most sizes (except for women's M + L ) are in stock with at least one copy!

PS: I am actually reading a book.

My attention span has taken a bit of a dive lately, so I'm trying to build some of it back up. I'm currently loving a book called Three Squares: The Invention of the American Meal. (That's an Amazon affiliate link, just so you're not weirded out.)

I'm only about 1/5th through it right now, but it's kinda wild just how Medieval the author makes eating in 17th century New England out to be. It's kind of amazing. I never realized pie crusts were originally not meant to be edible. They were essentially wheat-based Tupperware. I feel extremely spoiled and far less interested in time travel than usual.

As someone obsessed with food, I give myself very good odds of finishing this. Gotta get better at books again.

– @rstevens


csstine, indie rock pete : what's with the whole professor beardo thing you're rocking these days? don't you worry the suit and tie makes you look old? quite the contrary in the coal mine! 'tis better to look young for an old guy than to look old for a young guy. and thus, the jeff goldblum effect was explained.

Preserved in Amber

Now that you mention it, why does Indie Rock Pete wear a suit and tie these days?

– @rstevens


gamer gabe, maura : steals his hat i'm gonna need my hat back. do you need it back or do you want it back? GIVE ME BACK MY HAT. i don't see any hat. it's on your head! prove it! i still don't see it.

Fate or Fiction

QUICK QUESTION: Would you rather be doomed or cursed?

– @rstevens


gamer gabe, maura : steals his hat i'm gonna need my hat back. do you need it back or do you want it back? GIVE ME BACK MY HAT. i don't see any hat. it's on your head! prove it! i still don't see it.

The Hat Came Back

Today's comic really needs its fedora back.

– @rstevens


gamer gabe, maura : steals his hat why don't you have comments on your website? because i want to continue to like my website. how do you live with yourself, censoring me like that?! :)

No Comment

Why don't you have comments on your website? The answer should be obvious to anyone who's ever run a website.

– @rstevens


maura, pale suzie : holding coffee do you put anything in your coffee? aside from my hopes and dreams? and my faith that it will help me get through yet another day? at least until i cease to believe in anything other than myself so it's ok if i'm out of soy milk?

Unadulterated Truth

So, uh, Do you put anything in your coffee? (I don't.)

– @rstevens


maura, csstine : i believe in science! i'm sorry we live in a world where you feel the need to say that. science doesn't care if you believe in it.

Method Acting

Today's comic asks the question: Do you believe in science?

– @rstevens


otakate, torpor : hey, torpor. hello endoskeleton friend! do you hide your skeleton inside because it's made of tasty candy and you're afraid someone will eat it? i never thought about it like that. i bet your bones are delicious!

Beautiful on the Inside

Hooray for Torpor! Hooray for friendship! Hooray for skeletons!

– @rstevens


lil sis, red robot, darth vader : if you really hated humans, surely you'd have crushed us by now you must secretly like us! or i'm keeping you around a little longer because it's less boring than having nothing to complain about see you soon!
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red robot, darth vader : wow! it's darth vader! i once had another name it's so cool to finally meet you! impressive you've been an inspiration my whole life. now i am the master i've been a fan so long, i remember when you were still a badass! nooooo

Never Meet Your Heroes

They're rarely as cool as you hope.

Just FYI- I've gotta go to San Diego Comicon this week, so I'm going on a M/W/F for the rest of July. WHEW.

– @rstevens


lil sis, indie rock pete : to do great things, sometimes you have to be unreasonable. extraordinary people don't always make great friends. achieving as much as i have in life doesn't always leave room for personal relationships! you're microwaving a burrito. i'm also making sure you don't ask to share it.

Let's Be Unreasonable

I like to imagine this is why I have no friends.

Just FYI- I've gotta go to San Diego Comicon this week, so I'm going on a M/W/F for the rest of July. WHEW.

– @rstevens




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